Cleveland Witches Have Placed a Hex on LeBron James, Apparently
A group of witches gathered in a Cleveland radio station yesterday with a voodoo doll, some pig bones, a pentagram and a fake human skull to perform a ritual to curse the Heat's LeBron James. This might explain the Heat's opening night loss to the Celtics. It might explain why the Heat played so poorly against the Eastern Conference Champions. But mainly, it explains that Cleveland really needs to get the fuck over it already.
...armed with a pentagram, pig and cow bones, a fake skull, and a voodoo doll to curse LeBron before tonight's Heat-Celtics matchup. One of the evil chants -- "Tie a knot against the king. May he die without a ring."
The city of Cleveland really is taking this well, aren't they? Between witches gathering in a radio station with dollar store Halloween skulls and Harry Potter costumes, to a stand-up comedian comparing LeBron to Art Garfunkle in a letter (because, he was Paul Simon's less-talented "side kick," you see), the city of Cleveland is doing everything they can to throw away any and all sympathy they may have earned after King James made his decision to come to South Beach.
For the record, LeBron did lead last night's game with 31 points and almost singlehandedly brought Miami back while the rest of the team -- including Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh -- struggled mightily. So it's hard to tell if all the ill-will and hexes are really working.
Are these people really witches? We say we find out like they did back in the day, by taking them to a lake and holding their heads under the water. If they come back up screaming and yelling after a good ten minutes have passed, then we'll know to take this curse seriously. And if they don't, well no harm done.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.