Cats Maul Mormons, Incite Furry Fandom
P. Scott Cunningham
Things you learn sitting at the press table at an NCAA Division I Tournament game:
- Keep your wife away from the winning mascot.
- Sports journalists are an unattractive species. Citizens of humanity, I beg you: do not mate with these people. This gene pool needs to die out.
- Apparently, the band Toto is big in the Southwest. During a critical timeout, the Arizona pep band launched into an unjustifiably enthusiastic rendition of "Africa."
- 79% of male cheerleaders resemble cast members of Saved by the Bell.
- The press area has a long table upon which multiple silver buffet trays are laid out...with nothing in them. But there is a great popcorn machine.
- The other big perk is that someone walks up and down the press tables every ten minutes handing out free print-outs of the statistical break-down of the game as it stood about eight minutes ago, despite the fact that every journalist has a laptop and wireless access. Someone needs to tell the NCAA that this kind of paper-wasting is exactly what took Lehman Brothers down.
- Oh, and a bunch of guys played basketball. Some better than others.
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