Are You a Real Floridian? Take This Quiz
Florida is packed with retirees and transients. Even if you were born here, there's a good chance your parents weren't. So how does one define true Florida-ness? Our test is simple: For every bullet point you answer yes, give yourself a point. The scoring key is at the end.
• It's officially fall when you can keep your A/C off for at least 30 minutes and not sweat to death.
• You travel for two hours and have to remind yourself you're not in a completely different state, but still in Florida.
• You've done the stingray shuffle, and we don't mean on the dance floor.
• You know someone who was involved in a "weird Florida news" story that went viral.
• Seeing dolphins or manatees no longer impresses you.
• You either get really offended when people call you a Southerner or really offended when people say you're not a real Southerner.
• You actually root for Florida sports teams. (Seriously, get out of our state, Jets fans. Go back to Jersey.)
• You have felt personally victimized by a Florida sports team.
• You can't fathom the idea that people don't know how to swim.
• Publix subs > Subway subs.
• Big Foot isn't real, but you haven't completely written off the existence of the Skunk Ape.
• Your winter wardrobe consists of a few hoodies and a denim jacket (often worn with flip-flops).
• Your hometown (or at least the first city in Florida you lived in) is now almost unrecognizable thanks to the building boom.
• You could go to the beach every Saturday and Sunday for a month and still never wear the same swimsuit.
• You're sick of seeing mega-lawyer John Morgan's fat face telling you he's "for the people" during every commercial break.
• You've gotten sunburned in December.
• A good college football season means your team beat Florida State, Florida, and/or Miami.
• Mountains freak you out.
• Alligators, however, no longer freak you out.
• You don't take hurricanes seriously until they're at least a Category 3.
0 points: What in hell are you doing taking one of our tests again, you Bostonian?
1 to 5: Congratulations on purchasing one of our many fine homes out of foreclosure as a winter getaway, but you're not a Floridian yet.
5 to 10: You actually might be a Californian. Easily confused, but not quite the same thing.
10 to 15: Congrats, you're a real Floridian! But you're not living up to your true Florida potential. Is that tan even real?
15 to 20: For better or worse, you're so Floridian you might as well get an ass tattoo of that snake eating an alligator.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.