But hey, it's Thanksgiving, so consider this your excuse to do the thanksy-dance that you're not staring at a flight delay screen inside MIA right now.
And if you're reading this on an iPhone in the Sam Adams bar, banging your head on the table and weeping at the sight of the runway jam outside, well, may as well order another tall one.
The Daily Beast did a complicated statistics thing to rank the 27 biggest airports in the U.S. just in time for the busiest travel holiday of the year, and -- don't spit out your tofurkey here -- MIA was the second-to-worst!
Our worst-in-the-nation, 72.5 percent on-time departure rate didn't help. Neither did our 21st out of 27 safety ranking, or the fact that one out of every four holiday flights didn't arrive on time.
Only Newark ranked below the Magic City.
But the Daily Beast did throw us a bone, noting that "at least the Miami airport, a big hub for American, makes the lengthy wait enjoyable," citing the massages, spray tanning and Cuban eats.
Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, thank you that we are not in MIA today.