Al Gore is finally free from Tipper
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke discusses Al Gore's sex scandal and his pending divorce from wife Tipper.
I want to congratulate former Vice President Al Gore on gaining independence from his tightwad wife of 20 years, Tipper. She is one of the main reasons I spent millions of dollars to defend 2 Live Crew's lyrics. She was cofounder of the Parents Music Resource Center and led the charge to ban the records we made. She testified before Congress claiming our type of music was harmful and should not be sold in stores.
I've always felt bad for Al. It's long been obvious to me that Tipper wasn't giving him good sex — why else would she find my lyrics about the joys of sex filthy and disgusting? I've never had a problem with Al. He never said one bad thing about me. I bet he turned off his prude wife with some freaky sex games. Maybe it was so traumatic that it caused Tipper to go after people who make music about freaky sex. Think about it.
I can just picture the Gore household when she was practicing her speeches criticizing 2 Live Crew's lyrics: There she is in the living room listening to "Hey, We Want Some Pussy," "Throw the Dick," and "Face Down, Ass Up," formulating her words while Al is sitting in a chair, shaking his head in disbelief. He must have said to himself, Well, if she doesn't like to have sex with her face down and her ass up, she's definitely not going to do anything for me.
Some folks were shocked to hear the Gores were splitting up. But it didn't surprise me. Everybody in Congress and Washington, D.C., knew she wasn't banging her husband like she should. When Al tongue-kissed Tipper after accepting the Democratic Party's presidential nomination in 2000, you could see he was the freak in the relationship. Tipper looked like she was thinking, What the fuck are you doing?
Sometimes, unhappy married couples will stick it out until their kids are adults. I knew Al would leave her once he found someone to give him a good time. Why do you think he was in Alaska fighting global warming for so many years? Because he didn't want to go home to a cold-ass wife. Now Al can be the sex freak he has always wanted to be.
There have been news reports that the former second lady is pissed at Al because a massage therapist accused him of sexually assaulting her. But I don't buy it. I'm pretty sure Al has a lot of sex freaks at his disposal.
In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing Al at one of my next shows so I can sing him a tribute song: "Face down, ass up, that's the way Al likes to fuck."
Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.