A Stadiums Worth of Landshark Lager Would Not Numb The Pain Caused By Father Cutié
- Shocking horrible news this week that is tearing apart Miami at it's very seems: a grown man touched a lady once, and it was photographed! The horror! Not just any man of course, but a celebrity priest. First, a Mexican tabloid released photos of Father Cutié frolicking on a beach with a lady. Within the day he had resigned. People literally got into fist fights over whether or not the Catholic Church should still enforce clerical celibacy, but I thought people should also get into fist fights over ordaining woman and recognizing homosexuality as something other than a sin. Then, for whatever reason, the lady's address was printed in the newspaper. Cutié, meanwhile, will give his first TV interview about the incident to an ol' family friend on Monday.
- Then there was the real travesty this week: Landshark Stadium. There's a horrible logo, and horrible plans for a themed stadium in the works. Curse you Jimmy Buffet.
- Speaking of the destructive powers of soft rock, Lt. Gov. Kottkamp is glad you picked up the cost for his travel to a Kenny Loggins concert.
- Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games, which eased the pain of the Marlins not signing him. Of course, he probably got the drugs from a Miami doctor. Jose Conseco may no more, but no one cares.
- Speaking of things no one cares about anymore, we finally have two confirmed cases of swine flu in Miami-Dade.
- Jackson Memorial will put your mentally ill children in shackles, but you can always suit them.
- A male student at a Christian college was suspended for repeatedly taking it in the behind on camera, occasionally in Miami. While another porn star got in a fight with Howard Stern.
- Unfortunately for our porn stars, another type of butt injection is in right now.
- What I say about Selena Robert's A-Rod book is very important.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.