A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will.

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/26

Charged with: Possession of cocaine, tampering with physical evidence

Bet this guy followed a newspaper ad for a tattoo joint that was offering to tattoo your whole neck for $100 and when he stepped in the door and took off his turtleneck sweater he was like "BOOM!" and the tattoo artist instantly filed for bankruptcy but tattooed the whole damn thing anyway because he's an honorable businessman.

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/20

Charged with: Stalking, battery

Pretty much goes without saying that this man's name is Ram Hammer. We don't usually publish names but something tells us this guy's not worried about potential employers Googling him.

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/19

Charged with: Obstruction, trespassing, resisting an officer without violence

Nice. A little formality goes a long way in Mugshots Friday. And obstruction is just a classy charge.

 

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/19

Charged with: Direction of another to a place of prostitution

Anybody else disappointed that this is what pimps really look like? Where's the green suit? Where's the steely, persuasive gaze that makes us want to waddle down Biscayne in stilettos to make him his dirty money?

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/25

Charged with: Petty retail theft

Yeah, she might get thrown in jail a couple of times. But this gal's going to have more adventures by the time she's 25 than we will by... ever. We rent movies at Publix for excitement.

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/20

Charged with: Cocaine possession

He may be under arrest, but you can just tell that his spirit ain't broken. And we like the way he's glancing over to the other Hollywood Square.

A Man Named Ram Hammer and a Disappointing Pimp

Arrested: 10/21

Charged with: Aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon

Yes, because getting a sloppy tattoo on your Adam's apple shows as much wisdom as pitching to David Freese in the late innings of a World Series Game Six. BAM! Topical!

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