A Celebration of Sausage

(Insert joke here.)

I recently attended a sausage party. Literally.

Guests were encouraged to bring over all manner of meats and spices —anything they would like to see in sausage form. The event mainly involved staring intently at a pink output of ground meat, and making poorly timed jokes.

The winner was a Japanese biotechnical engineer named Nagimitsu.

Bystander: Nagy, have you ever had Japanese sausage? They're really good.

Nagy: Yes. Small and hard.

Before long, the awkwardness of the whole thing had blown over and everyone was standing around, mesmerized, in a cooperative effort to stuff and tie-off pound after pound of meat.

Thankfully no assholes and lips were employed in the making of these sausages. Collagen casings spared us the gross awareness of stuffing an animal's ground flesh back into its stomach.

Still, if the unifying force in this universe turns out to be anything but a bearded dude (particularly a cow or a pig), anyone who has ever eaten a sausage is surely going to hell.

Nevertheless, the resulting sausages (Andouille, Bratwurst, Chorizo, and Pear & Cognac) were sublimely delicious. All those interested in making their own sausages should check out this 138-page series of sausage recipes, including three for Scrapple, sausage's ugly cousin. -Calvin Godfrey


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