WMC and MMW 2012 Pool Party Recap: Uhntz-Uhntz, Intoxicants, and Sexy People Hooking Up
Apparently, scantily-clad people deep into intoxicating substances tend to attract each other like horny human magnets.
Nowhere else on Earth is there such a shit-ton of popular music, spectacular pools, and babes of both sexes as Miami during WMC and MMW.
From megaparties at the Surfcomber Hotel to private get-togethers at
Star Island homes, people all over the city were hooking up.
But it all began at the Surfcomber, which attracted perhaps
the largest pool-partying mobs on a daily basis of any Miami hotel.
With the doormen
turning away dudes to keep the sausage at a minimum, they guaranteed a reasonable ratio of men to women. So ... If you were a guy and you actually made it to the cabana bar, your chances of meeting a hot chick who wanted to "dance" were pretty good.
But, uh, you're going to need to start a conversation. And you suck at small talk. And the topic you choose could make or break your chances of uhntz-uhntz-ing all night.
Photo by Kareem Shaker
According to brosive.com's pool party pick-up tips, you should "avoid talking about the same things they always hear, like the weather. Try instead sharing esoteric information to give yourself an edge. Use the pool setting to your advantage ... and don't stare at the bikini, but make sure you compliment it."
What? That shit's stupid. Here is Crossfade's personal Rule No. 1: Don't take advice from bros. And Rule No. 2: Don't use words like esoteric. (Nevertheless, that bit about not "star[ing] at the bikini" and popping a poolside boner should be heeded.)
Whatever technique that people were using at the Surfcomber all week, though, it was working like XXX pheremone spray. And young, wild, usually wasted crowds resulted in plenty of borderline inappropriate public displays of affection.
Elsewhere, The Perry's weekly RX party enjoyed a massive throbbing swell of superwet guests ready to get weird. Any veteran of the RX party and the WMC/MMW pool party scene in general knows that, when it comes to finding love, it's all about keeping it cool and being a total fucking player.
"It's not as hard as it looks," warns ThePlayerSociety.com. "If you want to attract a member of the opposite sex, you have to keep it short, sweet, and stay confident."
Umm ... Sex (opposite or otherwise) should never be "short" and "sweet." And that's gotta be Crossfade's Rule No. 3: Players are meatballs with dumb ideas. Really, would you join a club called The Player Society? We hope not.
Staying cool at a pool party remains important, though. 'Cause whether you're a guy or a girl, excessive perspiration isn't sexy. And FYI, rinsing your sweaty ass in the communal swimming hole is an unhygienic faux pas.
Such unwritten pool rules were fully respected at the Perry. And there was plenty of action going down as beat freaks coupled off and headed for the cabanas. What seemed like an older crowd, however, meant the hookups weren't especially "public." And that's Rule No. 4: Real adults respect privacy, their bodies, and their partners, people.
With a Saturday lineup led by Dirty Vegas and Matt Darey, though, there was plenty of butt-thumping tuneage to distract solo attendees who'd bombed with the babes. "Miami is a beautiful place with beautiful people," Darey said. "It's perfect place to go to heaven and back."
We here at Crossfade also sought love and lust at Avicii's Raleigh bash, the H50 Rooftop Pool Party at Club 50 with Paul Oakenfold, and Pacha's takeover of The National Hotel's pool. But to cap the week-long extravaganza, the Fontainebleau Miami Beach hosted Deadmau5's poolside Mau5trap party and a closing night party Sunday.
And with the cover of night providing extra privacy, singles became twosomes (and sometimes threesomes), slipping away from the throng to find a deep, dark nook. For some of these waterlogged beat freaks, it took a full nine days to find a lil' uhntz-uhntz. But as askmen.com warns, it's dumb to be intimidated by failure.
"The number one mistake both men and women make is to assume the person they are interested in isn't interested in them," according to the website.
Actually ... Wrong again, advice-mongers. He or she probably isn't interested. But it's all about persistence. So when the sun goes down, keep hitting on hotties. 'Cause now they can't see your face so good.
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