Any vulgarian can wash down a lunch of human face with LSD and half a dozen bullets. A true gourmand, however, knows that to get the most out of a meal, one must pair each portion of the face with the right wine.
Luckily, Maynard James Keenan, the frontman for Tool and A Perfect Circle, is also something of a wine expert as the owner of Merkin Vineyards and Caduceus Cellars.
He will bring his comedy and music spectacular Puscifer to the Gusman Center on June 12. But today, the oenophile spoke with Crossfade about how wine can maximize the enjoyment of human face.
Crossfade: What wine would you recommend with a human face?
Maynard James Keenan: Well, for cheeks you'll obviously want a pinot noir.
And the nose?
That's mainly cartilege so you're better off with beer. It's more aligned with hotdogs or bratwurst. That's true of the nose as well as the lips.
The tongue is heartier and is going to have a little gamier of texture. I'd go with a larger shiraz with some oak on it. Barolo, if you serve it raw. If you serve it raw with olive oil and herbs, you'll want a Barolo.
That sounds good for summer.
Yeah. Are there a lot of homeless people around that bridge?
There's a shelter only a few minutes walk away.
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Then we'll arrive hungry. On one side of the building, does it say "Homeless Shelter" and on the other "Hometown Buffet"?
Now that you mention it, yes.
Cots can look remarkably like serving trays, especially if there is a spoon nearby.
Puscifer with Carina Round Tuesday, June 12. The Olympia Theater at the Gusman Center for the Performing Arts, 174 E. Flagler St., Miami. The show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets range from $32.50 to $46.50 plus fees. Call 305-372-0925 or visit gusmancenter.org.