When Sisqo plays the BankUnited Center on September 22, he's likely to draw a crowd larger than the fewer-than-400 who showed up to see his show in Uganda last month. By bringing Dru Hill along with him, that's up to three people. Already a good start.
To give you an idea of how few fans that is, Joran Van Der Sloot has nearly six times as many on his Facebook fan page. A McDonald's Southwest Salad with Crispy Chicken has fifty more calories than there were fans in attendance.
But don't get down in the dumps (like a truck), Sisqo. Though your Uganda crowd was roughly ten times as many people as died in the Hindenburg disaster, it was only five times as tragic.
Sisqo in Uganda? Oh, the humanity!
According to Chimp Reports (a Ugandan publication that has apparently expanded from just chimp news into early 2000s pop music), there were fewer than 40 in the VIP section and 360 in the cheap seats.
It's a story that, while it is only now crossing over to American press by way of Crossfade's blog post, has all of Uganda's music press working overtime. So far, experts cannot explain why no one wanted to pay for tickets to see an adult man with a spray-painted head who is best known for that time ten years ago when he wouldn't stop asking women to flash their panties.
The country's Observer has tried to get to the bottom of what went wrong with the show that "left [Sisqo] cursing his gods." The newspaper's research points toward first-time promoters who have been blinded by their personal love of Sisqo, as well as scheduling the show at the close of the Ramadan season.
Oh, and one more eensy-weensy thing: The rugby grounds that hosted the concert were also the site of a 2010 al-Shabaab bombing that killed 70 tourists. And while you'd think Sisqo would be the one who could heal those still fresh wounds, you'd also be a blithering idiot.
Fortunately for Sisqo, none of these things are expected to be a problem at his show in Miami. This town is full of stuttering perverts who will gladly flock to see their silver-headed king shimmy his way into one last peek at your aunt's underwear drawer.
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SHOW ME HOW
Babies, move your butts butts butts down to the BUC on September 22. Sing it again!
Forever R&B. With Kelly Price, Dru Hill, Carl Thomas, and Shirley Murdock. Saturday, September 22. BankUnited Center, 1245 Dauer Dr., Coral Gables. The show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets cost $37.50 to $65 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. Call 305-284-8686 or visit bankunitedcenter.com.