Sorry, Admiral Ackbar. It's too late for your warnings. The kids cannot escape.
America's youth is addicted to the drug-dealing music. And they ain't fina stop twerkin' till they dead. Or in jail.
OK, it's not that serious. But Friday's performance by Flosstradamus at Grand Central proved that trappin' is not only the new hip subgenre of the moment, it's taken complete control of Miami's music masses.
There had to be over 1,000 partiers crammed into the dark Downtown Miami hangout, poppin' pussies, shakin' titties, and dancing on raised surfaces we didn't even know existed. Shirts only stayed on till about 20 minutes into the Chicago duo's set, and not a single fuck was given all night.
The place was already packed tight when we here at Crossfade arrived around 11 p.m. to see local stunner Mike Deuce going H.A.M. on the decks for a crowd so hype a Justin Bieber remix would have torn the roof off. Every other song, these hard-core party people were letting out "hey" chants, like they were on some real hood shit.
But this wasn't a night brimming with real Miami thugs. It was raver girls with binkies in their mouths. It was skinny white guys with dreads. It was gays bustin' out vogues and hipsters with camera phones and anyone who's anyone at "the party."
Trap music has come a long way since its birth in Houston more than 20 years ago, but most of the kids getting down to the sounds of DJ Sliink and Floss last night don't know the founding fathers. They probably don't even care, which might seem unfortunate to some, but still generates mega moolah for these producers riding trap-house waves to success.
DJ Sliink of New Jersey has been churning out fashionably-tinny beats as long as any of the other new superstars in the game. So, like, this past year. The whole craze caught fire back in January with Flosstradamus's now-legendary remix of Major Lazer's "Original Don." Almost immediately, the fusion of contemporary hip-hop beats with electro-house melodies stole the limelight from moombahton, the previously hippest thing to feed through your headphones.
The epic, show-stopping sets from Sliink and Floss on Friday, the sheer intensity of the night, and the intoxicating energy of the place were meaningful moments for the Miami trap scene. It was easily one of the craziest parties we've ever seen at Grand Central. But just last year, these same acts wouldn't have had anywhere near the same hype or drawing power.
But why is this happening now? Why is it so overwhelmingly cool? Even though dubstep brought a lot of people together, trap seems to be even more universally appealing.
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We're living in a culture that worships hedonism and not giving a fuck. We're angry and we're horny and we're looking for a party, a fight, or both. Trap music encompasses all of that frustration, boils it down into one banging beat and tells us that it's OK to twerk it out.
Flosstradamus didn't start out making trap music, and they surely won't end their careers with it. They've already begun to incorporate various styles and genres into their "certified hood classics." A bit of hardstyle sampling has gotten them into some trouble with their latest free EP and its most controversial track, "Drak Knight," which they dropped as an encore at Grand Central. But even that negative press can't stop the heat of what's happening in the streets.
Because the streets are finally running things. The streets are where we're all coming together and finding our common ground. We the people are the streets, and we're running the trap without looking back.