Shitty Christmas music makes Santa mad. Hey, the guy's gotta drive 'round the whole world and the last thing he wants on such a long road trip is crappy tunes. And that means all the CDs he throws out of his sleigh end up falling down your chimney. Which explains all those Cure albums you got last year.
Unfortunately, a lot of major artists like trying to capitalize on the holidays, and that means there's a lot of really terrible Xmas schlock that's seen release.
Here are the ten worst Christmas songs ever.
10. Fred Figglehorn's "Christmas Is Creepy"
Christmas is creepy? How 'bout a grown man still pretending to be a six year old?
9. Bob Dylan's "Must Be Santa"
Props for giving a Christian-based song a Jewish klezmer feel, but you'd think one of the best songwriters music has ever produced could have came up with some better lyrics than "Who's got a beard/That's long and white? ... Who comes around/On a special night? ...Special night/Beard that's white/Must be Santa/Santa Claus."
8. Flo Rida's "Jingle Bells" featuring Trey Songz
So your sleigh's on 24s, huh? Have fun riding together.
7. Little Boots' "Last Christmas" (Wham Cover)
Next time, turn the keyboard toward the camera when you film one of these so we can see that pretty face while we mute the video.
6. Alvin and the Chipmunks' "The Christmas Song"
So a chipmunk wants a hoola hoop ... Big fuckin' deal. How 'bout asking for a singing voice that doesn't grate like witch nails on a chalkboard?
5. Mel Torme and Judy Garland's "The Christmas Song"
Jeez, lady, open your mouth any wider and you'd swallow the fucking piano.
4. Frank Sinatra's "The Christmas Waltz"
Sinatra can do no wrong. But somebody call the mob and have those background singers whacked.
3. George Michael's "December Song (I Dreamed of Christmas)"
Didn't this guy die like 10 years ago? Whatever.
2. John Lennon's "Happy Christmas"
Aaaah! We always thought it was Paul McCartney that wrote the sorry shit.
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1. Boney M's "Mary's Boy"
And ... The Worst Christmas Song of All Time award goes to the West German disco band created by a record producer named Boney M and this dismal religio-disco song.