Top Ten Reasons Tobacco Road Should Live Another 100 Years
The Road is 100 fucking years old!
There's never been a better time to get wasted, eat great, and have consensual drunk sex in a parking lot than tomorrow's big birthday bash.
Here are the top ten reasons Tobacco Road should live another hundred years.
10. The Burgers
They're juicier than a one-legged hooker in Reno, hotter than the Devil's ass in Prada, and faster than an AK bullet on New Year's Eve.
9. The Ghosts
There's the screamy Cuban lady in all white, the baseball team whose bus crashed, and the giant river rat, all chilling on the premises, haunting, whether you believe it or not.
8. The Parking Lot
Hey, it's a giant fucking parking lot, with a fence around it. And you don't have to go clubbing at a stripmall in Kendall to experience it.
7. The River
No matter what kind of bet you lose, don't jump in. Just appreciate it.
6. The Metro Mover/Rail
You wake up with the sun in your face, passed out on the outdoor stage, with piss all on your blue jeans. Marker on your hand says, "We took your keys dumbass." But you still have a way home.Next Page
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.