Top Ten Reasons Tobacco Road Should Live Another 100 Years

The Road is 100 fucking years old!

There's never been a better time to get wasted, eat great, and have consensual drunk sex in a parking lot than tomorrow's big birthday bash.

Here are the top ten reasons Tobacco Road should live another hundred years.

See also:

-Graham Wood Drout Talks Tobacco Road History and His First Guitar

-Tobacco Road Property Sold, Bar to Remain Open at Least Three More Years

Top Ten Reasons Tobacco Road Should Live Another 100 Years
Photo by Anaïs Alexandre via

10. The Burgers

They're juicier than a one-legged hooker in Reno, hotter than the Devil's ass in Prada, and faster than an AK bullet on New Year's Eve.

9. The Ghosts

There's the screamy Cuban lady in all white, the baseball team whose bus crashed, and the giant river rat, all chilling on the premises, haunting, whether you believe it or not.

8. The Parking Lot

Hey, it's a giant fucking parking lot, with a fence around it. And you don't have to go clubbing at a stripmall in Kendall to experience it.

7. The River

No matter what kind of bet you lose, don't jump in. Just appreciate it.

6. The Metro Mover/Rail

You wake up with the sun in your face, passed out on the outdoor stage, with piss all on your blue jeans. Marker on your hand says, "We took your keys dumbass." But you still have a way home.

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