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Top Songs for F#$%ing, According to 2,000 Horny Music Nerds

Hey, honey, would you like to have sex?

No, not tonight. I'd rather listen to Meatloaf.

Yeah, we've never said that either, but turns out a lot of Spotify listeners think "Bat Out of Hell" is more enjoyable than actually orgasming. And that's not all the streaming platform uncovered with its recent survey of 2,000 listeners.

Do you have anything in common with these undersexed musicalphiliacs? Have you ever banged out to Berlin? Gotten cheesy to some Clapton? Find out what these freaks are doing between the sheets with their headphones.

See also:

-Top Ten Songs About Sex in Public

-Ten Best Songs About Masturbation

-Twelve Songs About Blowjobs! (NSFW)

So, besides finding that 40 percent of people think "listening to music is more arousing than touch during intercourse," or that punk and metal enthusiasts are "more likely to compromise their music tastes for a date," Spotify uncovered what songs listeners found the most sexy, flirty, and downright nut-busting.

Let's take a closer look at the breakdowns.

Top Five Tracks Better Than Sex

Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire"

Robbie Williams's "Angels"

Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell"

Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer"


Alright, we'll concede that the tempo change in "Bohemian Rhapsody" can give one quite a rush, but we've never been listening to Queen and spontaneously cummed. Are we missing something? Or are these people just having bad sex?

Top Five Tracks to Flirt on the Dance Floor

Abba's "Dancing Queen"

Chris de Burgh's "Lady in Red"

LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It"

Dirty Dancing's Soundtrack

Rod Stewart's "Do You Think I'm Sexy"


Right so, we were going to make fun of this, but then we remembered we have totally used "Sexy and I Know It" to flirt while dancing, and it totally worked, and now we are totally looking stupid.

Top Five Songs to Play During Sex

Dirty Dancing's Soundtrack

Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing"

Ravel's "Bolero"

Berlin's "Take My Breath Away"

Barry White, Any of his songs


Yo, this list is looking mad cheesy. Did our parents take this survey? Is the Dirty Dancing soundtrack really that sexy? The answer is "no."

Top Five Songs for a Romantic Dinner

Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On"

Chris de Burgh's "Lady in Red"

Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing"

Eric Capton's "Wonderful Tonight"

Andy Williams's "Moon River"


Either these survey takers are old, or we're being forced to face the startling self-realization that we're actually just ratchet hoes.

Top Five Songs to Get "in the Mood."

Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing"

Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On"

Barry White, Any of his songs

Serge Gainsbourg's "Je T'aime"

Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire"


We get it. Barry White and Marvin Gaye are sexy motherfuckers. But are we the only ones who hear "Sex of Fire" and think STDs? That's the total opposite of a turn-on.

Whatever. Spotify listeners don't seem all that kinky. Throughout this entire list, no one mentioned Ludacris, and that's how you can tell. Spotify listeners are having bad sex.

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