Thursday, June 3, 2010 at 9 a.m.
Americans are stupid. We like stuff that sucks, lots of us at once. That's called pop culture. Later we look back on it and laugh. That's called VH1. The crappy music we once enjoyed all together as a nation is documented in the archives of the pop music charts.
Thanks to the power of the Internet, we uncovered the top 10 worst pop songs ever to go number one on the charts. Welcome to the danger zone.
10. Starland Vocal Band - "Afternoon Delight"
Number one in July 1976
The only time you should hear this song is at a bar when it's time to close and they want you to leave. Every time this song gets played a baby panda kills itself.
9. Irene Cara - "Flashdance: What A Feeling"
Number one from May to July 1983
"When I hear music, close my eyes, I am rhythm." Yeah, the rhythm of dentist drill in the eardrum, trying to piss out a watermelon-size kidney stone, a steel toed boot to the skull, a hammer at a crucifixion, a self-administered appendectomy with no anesthesia, and red-hot bamboo shoots prying off your fingernails at a p.o.w. camp....all at once.
8. Mr. Mister - "Broken Wings"
Number one in June 1985
Somebody should have broken Mr. Mister's writing hand along with his stupid wings. They could have called him Twisted Fister, made sure he never learned to fly again, and told him to jump off a cliff.
7. Sgt. Barry Sadler - "Ballad of The Green Beret"
Number one in March 1966
Blatant propaganda about dying for the government in some fucked up war we should have never been in in the first place ... Iraq remix on deck.
6. The Osmonds - "One Bad Apple"
Number one from February to March 1971
Bootleg white version of the Jackson 5. Look closely and you can see the puppet strings. If this song had a smell, it would be bubblegum buried in a pile of dog shit.