The Five People You Meet in the Weeknd's Kiss Land

The Five People You Meet in the Weeknd's Kiss Land
Photo by Russell Majik

Imagine being so successful, you could buy a house and have no idea what it looks like. Sounds awesome, right? Wrong! It's fucking terrible! A life of travel and excess is nothing but drug abuse, greedy lovers, lies, false friends, and emptiness!

At least, this is what we've deduced from listening to the Weeknd's beautifully soulful yet utterly hopeless ten-track wonder Kiss Land. It's a world where dreamers fulfill their fantasies while their insides slowly wither and die. But you know, in a sexy way.

The Weeknd (AKA Abel Tesfaye) and his crew will be leading all of Miami's lost souls to Kiss Land on Saturday, September 28, and if you dare to take the journey, it's a ride you'll never forget. Be warned, though, you'll meet some real shady characters, and after a while, they all start to seem the same. So take our handy guide with you. This and XO is all you'll need.

See also: The Weeknd Releases Kiss Land Condoms

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These women seem exotic and beautiful, but don't fall for their rehearsed charms and experienced ways or you'll be paying for their apartment, wardrobe, and insatiable habits of all varieties. It's easy to give in when they're so happy to satisfy your every desire. But it's just like the Weeknd says, they're "professional," and you're just an ATM to them. "You made enough to quit a couple years ago/But it consumes you/It's everywhere you go."

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