The Best Valentine's Day 2017 Parties in Miami

The Best Valentine's Day 2017 Parties in MiamiEXPAND
Photo by Karli Evans

Valentine’s Day has its roots in pagan rituals that included boozy bacchanalias, random hookups, and naked people whipping one another with the bloodied strips of sacrificed animals. In other words, it’s a lot like a weekend in Miami but without the slain chickens and goats (unless you’re into that — no judgment).

These days, the holiday dedicated to a fat baby with wings and a saint who was martyred for marrying couples illegally is a moneymaking machine. Cards, chocolates, and sex toys will fly off the shelves in the next 24 hours. There are also the inevitable last-minute plans to be made. For procrastinating Romeos and Juliets, here's a guide to some of the best events and parties for both the loved and the lonely.

Partiers at the Coral Gables Museum.EXPAND
Partiers at the Coral Gables Museum.
Photo by Monica McGivern

For the Classy Cats
Let’s begin with the happy couples who are in love and looking to get fancy.

Valentine's Day at Open Stage Club, With Lucy Woodward
Lucy Woodward is a London-born jazz vocalist with an affinity for crisscrossing genres such as Brit-pop and “bluesy bebop.” She has recorded with artists as diverse as Céline Dion and Rod Stewart and made a splash with her dynamic cover of Björk’s “It’s Oh So Quiet” in 2008. This Tuesday, she’ll take her band and her repertoire of songs, culled from four LPs, to the Open Stage Club in Coral Gables. Tickets cost $15, but a $45 option includes preferred seating and a three-course dinner.

"Heart Strings" Valentine's Day Concert
Dust off the suit and tie and prepare for some serious romance. Hosted by the Coral Gables Museum, the "Heart Strings" concert costs $25 for museum members and $35 for everyone else. The price includes an open wine bar, chocolates, and admission to the museum. The concert's selection of music is a combination of classical and romantic favorites by Haydn, Schubert, Vivaldi, Mozart, and Grieg, with a waltz, a tango, and an opera selection thrown in for fun.

Forget Fifty Shades.EXPAND
Forget Fifty Shades.
Photo by Monica McGivern

For the Lascivious Lovers
Fifty Shades Darker has a 10 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, where the general consensus reads, “Lacking enough chemistry, heat, or narrative friction to satisfy, the limp Fifty Shades Darker wants to be kinky but only serves as its own form of punishment.” Instead of tormenting yourself (or your unfortunate partner) with this impotent cinematic feature, we suggest an event worthier of your libido.

Bàcaro Miami presents Clubesque: A Valentine's Day Cabaret and Dinner Show
Bàcaro, an Italian restaurant offering wine and tapas by Venetian chef Carlo Bernardini, invites couples to a contemporary cabaret dinner show. The cost ranges from $20 to $105. The higher price, in addition to an all-inclusive dinner and a glass of champagne, comes with a titillating show featuring singers, dancers, burlesque performers, acrobats, drag queens, and musicians.

See the next page for more Valentine's Day events in Miami.

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