Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

Noise. It sucks. It hurts the ear. But every year, Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference draws sickos from around the world to Churchill's Pub for a free, curated, four-night concert series featuring the worst sounds humans are capable of producing without drones or laptops. All the bands have terrible names...

By Jacob Katel

February 6, 2012

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Noise. It sucks. It hurts the ear.

But every year, Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference draws sickos from around the world to Churchill's Pub for a free, curated, four-night concert series featuring the worst sounds humans are capable of producing without drones or laptops.

All the bands have terrible names. Here are the ten worst.

10. Loop Retard

Objection: The Americans with Disabilities Act does not approve

Suggestion: Asperger's Loop

9. Ironing

Objection: Hard to pronounce.

Suggestion: Burning Sideways Iron in Your Mouth

8. Unicorn Hard-On

Objection: Exclusionary.

Suggestion: Tumescent Magic Horse Cock in Hot, Wet, Magic-Horse Pussy.

7. Ballscarf

Objection: It's only ever cold enough to wear a ballscarf in Miami once a year.

Suggestion: Testicular Wifebeater

6. Chrome Dick

Objection: Ruins nerve endings.

Suggestion: Non-Corrosive Spray-On Chrome Dick Spray

5. Low Level Lazer Radiation

Objection: Boooooring.

Suggestion: Exploding Radiation Up Your Ass Twice Repeatedly

4. Lazer Slut

Objection: What's with all the lazers?

Suggestion: Lazier Slut

3. Lazy Magnet

Objection: Not enough lazers.

Suggestion: Lazer Dragnet

2. Venison Whirled

Objection: Hippie shit.

Suggestion: Baby Deer Cheese Grater

1. Oubliette

Objection: Sounds French.

Suggestion: A Form of Dungeon Accessible Only From a Hatch in a High Ceiling

International Noise Conference 2012. Wednesday, February 8, to Saturday, February 11. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. The noise begins at 9 p.m. on Wednesday and Thursday, 7 p.m. on Friday, and 5 p.m. on Sunday. No cover. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.

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