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Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

Noise. It sucks. It hurts the ear.

But every year, Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference draws sickos from around the world to Churchill's Pub for a free, curated, four-night concert series featuring the worst sounds humans are capable of producing without drones or laptops.

All the bands have terrible names. Here are the ten worst.

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012


10. Loop Retard

Objection: The Americans with Disabilities Act does not approve

Suggestion: Asperger's Loop

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

9. Ironing

Objection: Hard to pronounce.

Suggestion: Burning Sideways Iron in Your Mouth

8.  Unicorn Hard-On

Objection: Exclusionary.

Suggestion: Tumescent Magic Horse Cock in Hot, Wet, Magic-Horse Pussy.

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012


7. Ballscarf

Objection: It's only ever cold enough to wear a ballscarf in Miami once a year.

Suggestion: Testicular Wifebeater

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

6. Chrome Dick

Objection: Ruins nerve endings.

Suggestion: Non-Corrosive Spray-On Chrome Dick Spray

 

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

5. Low Level Lazer Radiation

Objection: Boooooring.

Suggestion: Exploding Radiation Up Your Ass Twice Repeatedly

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

4. Lazer Slut

Objection: What's with all the lazers?

Suggestion: Lazier Slut

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

3. Lazy Magnet

Objection: Not enough lazers.

Suggestion: Lazer Dragnet

2. Venison Whirled

Objection: Hippie shit.

Suggestion: Baby Deer Cheese Grater

Ten Worst Band Names at International Noise Conference 2012

1. Oubliette

Objection: Sounds French.

Suggestion: A Form of Dungeon Accessible Only From a Hatch in a High Ceiling

International Noise Conference 2012. Wednesday, February 8, to Saturday, February 11. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. The noise begins at 9 p.m. on Wednesday and Thursday, 7 p.m. on Friday, and 5 p.m. on Sunday. No cover. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.

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Churchill's Pub

5501 NE 2nd Ave.
Miami, FL 33137

305-757-1807

www.churchillspub.com


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