MORE

Ten Signs of the Dubpocalypse! From Bieber and Muse to Dubstep Cereal Commercials

Dubstep.

Once upon a time, like back in 2008, that was a word almost no one in the United States knew existed. Now it's superdivisive and no can escape it.

Whether you love dubstep or hate it, claim to only listen to "real" dubstep, or are a total brostep fanboy, the genre has become a monster that none of us can stop. Everywhere you look, some other asshole is getting his wobble on.

Is the end upon us? Well, when you're living in the end times, it's hard to tell where you stand without a good map. So here are ten signs of the Dubpocalypse. Nobody gets out alive.

Ten Signs of the Dubpocalypse! From Bieber and Muse to Dubstep Cereal Commercials

10. Justin Bieber Is Doing Dubstep

Everybody remember where they were when they first heard about Justep. Unless you didn't. And then that's now. But yes, Justin Bieber admitted he's experimenting with the totally-hip-and-edgy sound on his upcoming album, Believe, due to be released on June 19. So far it just sounds all tragic and swaggy, but soon we'll know how Bieber drops the bass.

9. Muse Is Doing Dubstep

Muse has always come off as a rather artistic, original, and authentic group of rock 'n' rollers. Their heavily dystopian, post-Radiohead brand of melodic metal usually comes with a fresh angle. Or at least a crazy-good light show. But now they too have hopped aboard the dubstep gravy-train.

 

Ten Signs of the Dubpocalypse! From Bieber and Muse to Dubstep Cereal Commercials

8. You Can Draw Dubstep

You know Draw Something? That game you used to play incessantly but haven't looked at in months? In case you never played, it's a touch-screen game in which players draw anything from basic stick figures to grand portraits in order to get their partner to guess a commonly known and understood person, place, or concept. And in this pool of common-place terms, the words "Skrillex" and "dubstep" came up much more than anyone could've imagined.

7. Spin Magazine Named Skrillex the 100th Greatest Guitarist Ever

Sonny Moore is not a guitar player. And yet Spin listed him among the all-time greatest guitar players. Before he was Skrillex, he was the singer in the hardcore scream band From First To Last. But the mag doesn't even claim that period of Moore's career as part of the basis for his selection. Mostly, it comes down to the fact that a million metal dudes with guitars have covered Skrillex tracks on YouTube. If such a lofty and bold statement can be made with authority, the end must be near.

 

6. Korn Made a Dubstep Album and Jonathan Davis Thinks He's a DJ

KoRn are kings of teen angst nu-metal goodness. We guess, if anyone was going to reinvent themselves with wobble bass, it should be these guys. But still, we have to ask why? Why are you doing this? Obviously, to sell albums. And it worked. After Korn got together with all the big guys, including Skrillex, Excision, and 12th Planet, the album peaked at number one on the Billboard US Dance/Electronic Albums chart. You people actually enjoy the dubpocalypse.

5. Your Rusty Sink Drops as Hard as Skrillex

What does it mean when the sound of society's decay and rust is basically the same as the top songs in the country? It means you're all a bunch of degenerates on drugs, that's what.

 

4. They're Putting Dubstep in Commercials for Children's Cereal

Dubstep is so safe and friendly and choosey-mom approved, UK cereal company Weetabix is using it to hock morning breakfast flakes. Look at these dancing teddy bears. They can't get enough of that screeching. This girl is going to go on to beast her day with chocolate bass chunks.

3. People Wear Their Dubstep and Use It to Pick Up Chicks

If you've been to a music festival lately, chances are you've seen some neon bro walk past you, chest out, sporting one of these babies. You may have also heard that dubstep cures cancer. At least that's what the obnoxious t-shirts tell us. Our children will all be stoked when they look back on our slutty college days as archived forever on Facebook and realize we had such great taste in music.

 

Ten Signs of the Dubpocalypse! From Bieber and Muse to Dubstep Cereal Commercials

2. Christians Are Doing Dubstep

DJ Jesus died for your spins, and the son of God has an external hard drive with 800 gigs of filthy dubstep. Just check out this 15-track compilation featuring all your favorite faithful hits, like "How Great Is Our God" and "O Praise Him," now expertly remixed into dubstep classics! From preteen heartthrobs to nu-metal rock gods to angels on high, dubstep really is the genre that brings everyone together.

1. Dubstep Ruined Everyone's Taste in Music Forever

But the real problem with dubstep ... It's convinced everyone that it sounds better than anything else. If you're not screeching and wobbling through the highest and lowest of frequencies, dropping bass in faces until they bleed, you're just not doing it right. And tastes have become so deformed, not even the kings of dubstep can save the feeble minds of the masses. When Srkillex shared one of his all-time favorite songs -- Aphex Twin's beautiful and delicate track "Flim" -- with fans, they decided he'd gone soft. This song is gorgeous, and all anyone could say about it was "Where's the drop?" The drop was back in your childhood, when you were a baby.

We're doomed.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >