Dear haters ...
Even though beefcake-y blonde Dutch disc jockey Tiësto is kind of a corporate whore, he's also a pranksterish dude who enjoys talking shit, shooting champagne corks at the pilots of his private jet with Swedish House Mafia, and laughing in the faces of all those people who sarcastically describe him as Mr. Tiësticle.
So it's no surprise that the joke's on us. Because while we try to scrape $10 outta the coin jar for a night of cheap beer and local tunes, Tiësto is banking $22-million per year, dropping beats on South Beach, popping bottles in Ibiza, copping ass in other exotic locales, and topping Forbes' list of the world's Electronic Cash Kings.
He is incredibly wealthy. And we're not. Other party people with unbelievable amounts of money: Skrillex, Swedish House Mafia, Deadmau5, and even Jersey Shore's Pauly Fucking D. Just see the cut for the full list of the richest DJs on Planet Earth.
10. Avicii: $7 Million Per Year
Whenever this 22-year-old Swedish master of progressive uhntz-uhntz shakes his Ralph Lauren-clad ass and performs synchronized fistpumps with BFF Madonna while singing, "Ooohooh, sometimes ... I get a feeling," he actually means fat fucking checks.
9. Afrojack: $9 Million Per Year
Who knew that dating Paris Hilton, partying with Pitbull, and "Rock[ing] the House" paid $25,000 a day? Well, Afrojack ... 'Cause he's gotta hire an entire team of personal valets just to lug his bags of cash from gig to gig.
8. Kaskade: $10 Million Per Year
Born Ryan Raddon, this American DJ and PLUR devotee is a total Freak of Nature. He zips and zaps between arena-sized EDM shows like a human lazer. He raves harder than a butterfly on Ecstasy. And he counts cash quicker than a CoinMate BC-15UV.
7. DJ Pauly D: $11 Million Per Year
He's just a Jersey club rat and "DJ" named Paul DelVecchio, who fellow Forbes lister Deadmau5 (see the No. 6 slot) likes to call "typical bottle-popping, play-pressing garbage." But thanks to Music Television, he charges $40,000 a night. Hire DJ Pauly D for your next big-budget nightclub event, private party, or Bar Mitzvah!
6. Deadmau5: $11.5 Million Per Year
Why is Mr. Joel Zimmerman (AKA Deadmau5) so worried about "a piece of shit" like DJ Pauly D? Maybe because tbe King Rat hates that he only makes $500,000 more than a reality-TV-star-turned-professional-button-pusher.
5. Steve Aoki: $12 Million Per Year
So what if little Stevie is an heir to daddy Rocky's Benihana fortune? He charges less a night and works harder every day than all these other millionaire jocks, playing over 200 shows, running his own Dim Mak label, and collecting 2012's fifth most epic EDM income.
4. David Guetta: $13.5 Million Per Year
This pop-house producer always says, "Fuck Me, I'm Famous!" But there's really only one reason we'd ever actually let this Top 40 French tickler (and maybe his wife, Cathy) climb on top of us ... Le DJ's so rich that he probably ejaculates gold coins.
3. Swedish House Mafia: $14 Million Per Year
Unlike every other ultra-wealthy EDM act listed herein, Swedish House Mafia is three dudes, not one. And that means Sebastian Ingrosso, Steve Angello, and Axweel earn about $4.7 million each. (Less than Avicii at No. 10.) Now add the fact that SHM just broke up ... And you gotta wonder if these Mafia men even belong among the Electronic Cash Kings?
2. Skrillex: $15 Million Per Year
The lucrative formula for 24-year-old Sonny John Moore's dubstep-peddling operation: Getting high-powered attorneys addicted to bass drops. As he tells Forbes, "I had a buddy that had a buddy that came out with this lawyer guy [that] makes a lot of money, that never does anything like this. ... Ten minutes later, I see him with his shirt off and his tie off and his shirt around his head." Ka-ching, dub junkies!
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1. Tiësto: $22 Million Per Year
How does a little Dutch party boy get so fucking rich? Simple ... Make lots of cash. Like, $250,000 a night. And don't give it away. Ever. "I made money," Tijs Michiel Verwest says, explaining his secret to EDM success. "I invested in myself. I bought whatever I needed to make my career better. I never spent money on ... useless stuff."
Like, say, personally branded private jets?