Ten Reasons Urban Outfitters Is Bad for Music

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Courtesy of Flickr user Casey Hugelfink

We all know it, but it's time to show it. Urban Outfitters is a shortsighted cul-de-sac of trends bent for capital gain -- one large, unthinking slab of cultural masturbation. But like creepers to a drug deal, we lurch in, grab what we want, and dart out. (Some of their basic clothing isn't half bad, right?)

Excuses aside, the inventory is laughable, shamelessly anachronistic and inauthentic. Musically speaking, it's the sort of faux-hippie, yuppie detritus that's fueled a million Dark-Side-only Pink Floyd fans. So here are ten reasons why UO is a drain on our music-loving souls.

See also: Miami's Five Best Record Stores

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Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

10. They Sell Turntables That Will Eat Your Records

In fact, they only sell record-destroying players. These Crosley tables -- equipped with uneven speeds and ruinous ceramic cartridges -- aren't really listening tools, they are toys. Cutesy, retro-chic, vinyl-hungry toys. Given that your albums won't last long on that new turntable, it's comforting to know that you can replace your LPs at UO too. It's a good thing that their prices are fair... Oh, gad, wait.

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Photo courtesy Jonathan Patrick

9. Their Record Prices Are an Assault on Your Financial Well-Being.

Even if you ignore for the moment that their records are terribly treated and poorly stored, UO's prices are astronomical. Singles will cost you upwards of $20. And my goodness, double LPs, even shitty ones, can cost you $40. This means if your monthly music budget is $150 (we're allowed to dream), you can still only buy about five albums a month. Those are prison cafeteria-type rates. Yay hip vinyl trend!

See also: Madonna's Top Ten NSFW Moments


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