Ten Reasons the Grammys Actually Didn't Suck
We're experiencing a lot of weird feelings right now.
We're not exactly sure how to cope with these emotions. But they say the first step to getting over your problem is admitting you have one. So deep breath ... Here we go.
We actually enjoyed the 55th annual Grammy Awards.
OMG, please don't judge us, you guys. It's just that, well, we felt most of the winners were deserving, and L.L. Cool J wasn't a terrible host. But it was more than that. Look, we broke down our shame into a list. Tell us what you think.
Skrillex Reps the Homies
So, like, a lot of people are pissed Skrillex swept the Grammys again. Well, swept in terms of EDM. He won his fourth, fifth, and sixth Grammys last night, beating out majors like Diplo and Kaskade who were (perhaps) more deserving. But he knows how to show love, and he did it by bringing his whole motherfuckin' crew on stage with him. OWSLA is massive, and we like it when people roll deep.
J. Lo and Pitbull Broke Racial Stereotypes
Oye, Miami! Pitbull and J. Lo got to present an award together, and it wasn't even for Best Latin Recording. It was Best Pop Solo Performance. That's fucking awesome. Mr. 305/Worldwide and Jenny from the Block ... America is really making progress or something. Daleee!
Grammys, we commend you on this newest addition to the program. Instead of a bunch of lame jibber-jabber everyone hates, they let lesser-known artists come out and sing a bit of their hits. Then they just went along with the regularly schedules program and presented a list of names. Putting more music into the Grammys is something we can get behind, 100 percent.
Miguel Doing Anything
Holy sexual seizure! Did you see Miguel do everything that he did last night? He sang "Adorn" with Wiz Khalifa as one of the aforementioned performance intros. Wow, can Miguel sing. And dance. And twirl. And good lord is he a sex babomb. We're wet just thinking about it. It's really just a tragedy he didn't get to come back and do it more. Right, Kelly Clarkson?
Speaking of sex babombs, Justin Timeberlake is back! He's on his "Suit & Tie" shit, and we are dying. His performance was simply amazeballs. All black and white, with a big band and back-up dancers. Those dance moves were too fly. Whatever he did with that scarf was stellar. His voice is heavenly. He is the only man who can boss around Jay-Z and not get bitch-slapped. Finally, he's brought his sexy back.
Dr. John's Outfit
The legendary funk star joined the Black Keys for their stellar performance, and though he didn't seem to be doing much musically, his outfit kind of stole the show. He looks like a Muppet, and we love it. Shock stars like Lady Gaga and Ke$ha could really learn a thing or two from this badass bro. It just poves there is no such thing as too much.
The Performances, Like, Almost All of Them
Jack White murdered it. Fun. had falling water. The Black Keys brought rock'n'roll to life. Rihanna refrained from smoking a joint with her vagina and did a beautiful, moving rendition of "Stay." There were tons of awesome all-star performances, like the Bob Marley tribute and the awesome cover of "The Weight." Even Taylor Swift didn't piss us off with her opening version of "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." Honestly, the strangest performance was Frank Ocean, whom we adore, doing "Forest Gump." We just think he was having fun coming out to the Grammy crowd.
Frank Ocean Beats Chris Brown
Ocean still had a good night, though. He finally won his fight with Chris Brown, turning the tables and putting the beating on the singer-dancer for a change. He took the award for Best Urban Contemporary Album, and he also took home an award for his work on "No Church in the Wild" by Jay-Z and Kanye West. Personally, we think he should have taken Album of the Year, but that went to Mumford and Sons. Meh.
"I'd Like to Thank the Swap Meet for His Hat."
Those are the only words Jay-Z spoke in the entire Grammys. (Well, besides his rap for J. T., but speaking and rapping aren't the same.) When he won for "No Church in the Wild," he just gave the floor to Ocean and fellow collaborator The-Dream. And then he grabbed the mike to shout-out flea markets for providing The-Dream with his next-level head gear. Best quote of the night, easy. That's why he's the man on top (of Beyonce).
Katy Perry's Chest
C'mon, now ... You know we're not classy. And you know what really stole the show. The whole time, our Twitter and Facebook feeds were all "Zomg, Katy Perry's titties," and with good reason. They were basically perfect. Ellen DeGeneres agrees, and so do we. She was the real winner last night (coughJohnMayercough). Take that Grammy memo and shove it in your cleavage.
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