Ten Musicians Better Than Wyclef Jean to Lead Haiti
His heart seems to be in the right place, but Wyclef Jean's political aptitude is tone deaf. Don't get us wrong, welcoming President Jean to office would be pretty cool, but he might not exactly know how to help a nation that lost 220,000 of its residents and most of its infrastructure in that massive quake in January. Besides being Haitian we are not sure what other qualification he has, not including heading a poorly run charity.
We thought we'd compile our own list of musician candidates to run Haiti. They're not Haitian but they have other qualities:
10. Ted Nugent
This crazy-ass hard rocker is more politically conservative than Rush Limbaugh but could probably straighten out corruption in Haitian government. A die-hard proponent of the Second Amendment, he likes his guns and that could be a benefit amidst the lawlessness in Haiti these days. Plus he wouldn't be a drain on relief supplies. He hunts for his own food.
9. Jimmy Buffet
If Nugent will kick Haitian ass into submission, Buffet and his easy listening tunes will lull them into drunken stupor. He has unfettered access to the island nation in his very own seaplane--which is a big deal considering the traffic jams at Port-au-Prince airport. That will help him deliver his Margaritaville liquors to keep the Haitians properly inebriated for the reconstruction of their country.
8. Bob Marley
Even dead this reggae legend will probably be able to lead his Caribbean brothers better than Wyclef. His platform can be culled from the Legend song list--Exodus, Get Up, Stand Up, Waiting in Vain (for aid), Redemption Song, etc.
Wyclef's doppelganger with the Black Eyed Peas, has at least as much political experience as the Fugees member and more clout if selling albums counts for anything. Plus, he did that Obama song, "Yes We Can," in 2008 so you know he's in good with the American prez. At the very least he can be Wyclef's body double.
6. Bruce Springsteen
Hard to argue against bringing in the Boss to run a country. Springsteen has dabbled in politics for decades and long been a champion of anti-corporate causes. That'll be needed in Haiti with rebuilding likely to bring planeloads of American corporations looking to capitalize on the millions of Haitian poor (kind of how they do in this country). Plus the raspy voice is sure to engender passion during his inauguration speech.
Firstly, she's got enough money to personally put Haiti in the black.
Secondly, as president she can reconstitute adoption laws in Haiti and
adopt every orphaned Haitian child with few complications.
4. Dixie Chicks
They're man enough to say what has to be said. Let the chicks fall where they may.
3. Harry Belafonte
His calypso ballads will go over well in Haiti. Belafonte has never
shied away from being politically active, even if it meant criticizing
the US and praising the former Soviet Union and Fidel Castro. That's the
type of strength of character needed to run a country.
He's perfect to lead Haiti's resurgence. He can simply assign the
country a symbol in place of a name and put his branding know how to
good work. Plus, he knows what it is to have to slave away for an
unrelenting master for only millions of dollars.
1. Lauryn Hill
If it has to be a member of the Fugees, we'd pick Hill before Wyclef.
She's got some moxie -- remember when she denounced the Catholic Church for
the widespread abuse of boys by priests at Vatican concert in 2003.
That took balls. Plus she has some relationship experience that might
count for something. She dated Wyclef and has five kids with Rohan
Marley, one of Bob's offspring. Plus she's easier on the eyes that
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.
More Music News
- Meet the Jew Tang Clan, Miami's Newest Clique
Fri., Aug. 7, 8:00pm
Fri., Aug. 7, 11:00pm
Sat., Aug. 8, 8:00pm
Sat., Aug. 8, 8:00pm
- Crobot Prepares to Set Sail on the Motörboat Cruise
- Kendall's Sigh Kicks Prefer to Let the Music Do the Talking