Music fans can be really devoted.
But it takes a special breed to join a crazy fan cult.
And yet, music has exactly that kind of power over some people. It's a fine line between in love and psychopathically obsessed.
But whose fans are the freakiest? Who is the government watching? Who might sneak up and kill you? Read on to find out who needs to remind their fans, "Please, don't love me that much."
God What Awful Racket. Did you know that's what it stands for? Kids who love Gwar must have a screw loose or something. Because not only are they happy to go out, listen to some shit music made by engineers, and get covered in fake blood. They leave those clothes on to freak out their coworkers or fellow students the next day. But are they really insane? Nah, they just like a good time.
Cult Factor: 2
The Moz, the Pope of Mope, that guy Johnny Marr can't stand. He's a romantic genius and completely unlovable, but his fans are stark raving mad for Morrissey. Throughout his performances, the crowd is constantly charging the stage to hug him. But did you know Mexican youths think of him as their cultural hero? So don't fuck with the boy with the thorn in his side. Or you might get an unpleasant visit from the Vegetarian Cali Cartel.
Cult Factor: 3
Gaga might be a creative genius, a marketing genius, totally insane, or a mix of all three. But her fans are definitely bizarre as hell. They're cult-like, really. They'll do and buy anything their Mother Monster tells them to. Plus, they're all rather downtrodden, and you never know what's going to push a person who's taken a beating into opening a can of whoop-ass at any moment. Fear of the unknown.
Cult Factor: 3
If Lady Gaga fans seem weird and ready to crack, though, then Britney fans are already on their second tour of the asylum. They've been through the ringer for years, and as their hairless leader loses her mind, so do they fall deeper into mental anguish. I think we all remember how scary Chris Crocker can be.
Cult Factor: 4
Sure, screaming little girls aren't scary. However, sick, depraved, soulless rodents with braces are horrifying. They may seem innocent, but anyone who would let a stranger puke and fart all over them just because they can sing is clearly dangerous and not thinking straight. You say it's hormones, but we say it's a threat to American security.
Cult Factor: 4
He's the King of Pop, and he's dead now, but that just makes his fans even crazier. It's the kind of fanaticism usually reserved for religious icons, except we're allowed to call it "crazy" in public because we all remember when Jackson walked the earth. Sure, Thriller was a phenomenal album, but that doesn't mean you should bid on his death bed. WTF is wrong with you? You're sick and twisted. Don't touch us.
Cult Factor: 5
Tori Amos makes some beautiful music filled with pain and angst, and that's okay because she's an artist. But her fans are all emotional basket-cases who believe in "magik" and are probably suppressing some really horrible life experiences. Once that Tori Amos fan you pissed off at work realizes her voodoo doll isn't doing the trick, she will break into your house and stab you. Trust us. Find a new job.
Cult Factor: 5
Basically, the moral of these pop star fan stories is nothing is scarier than a mind about to break. Turns out, One Direction fans are teetering on the edge of total emotional and psychological collapse. When this band breaks up, get ready for Armageddon, covered in glitter.
Cult Factor: 6
OK, almost everyone loves the Beatles, and not almost everyone is a psychopath mass murderer. But sometimes, the Beatles awaken a sleeping demon within. Look at Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys. His life was totally ruined by trying to keep up with their musical progressiveness. And Charles Manson? He was the biggest Beatles fan of them all, and he talked a bunch of kids into murdering pregnant ladies. Shit, John Lennon was so good at making music, fanboy Mark David Chapman shot him to death! That's fucking crazy. These people are lunatics.
Cult Factor: 8
Insane Clown Posse
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
But obviously, the scariest fans are those who paint their faces and carry hatchets in their trench coats. These kids are so scary, they're like a gang. No, really, the FBI considers them a gang. Is it fair? Probably not. But these so-called Juggalos did throw actual human shit at Tila Tequila when she hit the stage of their Gathering. Wait ... That doesn't make them scary, that makes them heroes! Give these face-painted mo'fuckers a medal! Hip hip, hooray!
Cult Factor: 9