Did you know that there are only 248 days left in the year? Yeah, 2012's flying by, and every minute that you spend online is a minute wasted.
Unless you're getting paid to write music-related weekend guides, there's no reason for you to be bullshitting online and trolling Facebook for masturbatory profiles.
There's a whole lot of shit going on outside of your cubicle ... Trust us, we are your friends, your trusted guides to a fucking plethora of cheap, culturally relevant events happening in our very own backyard.
These are your ten best music-related things to do under $10 in Miami this weekend.
GO DUTCH! Orange Bike-in Festival. Friday, April 27, 6 p.m., Grand Central Park, 700 N. Miami Ave., Miami. Free. Technically, it's a bike event and a celebration of all things Dutch. But there will be a DJ and $3 beer. So we'd be foolish not to include this Critical Mass event in our guide.
Orpheus, Alternate State, and Slugage. Friday, April 27, 8 p.m., Sweat Records, 5505 NE Second Ave, Miami. Free. Wisconsin ska group Orpheus joins two Miami ska bands for a night of music at Sweat.
Bob Log III, Blowfly, and others. Friday, April 27, 8 p.m., The Stage, 170 NE 38th St., Miami. $7. A night of weird, that's for sure. Make it a point to check out The Stage tonight for a sonic mindfuck.
Hit Play!. Friday, April 27, 8 p.m., Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. $5. It's their last show before they hit the studio. Make sure you show your support.
Fridays at The Vagabond. With Mark Sultan. Friday, April 27, 10 p.m., The Vagabond, 30 NE 14th St., Miami. Free before 11 p.m.. After working with bands like King Khan & The BBQ Show and the Ding-Dongs, Mark Sultan is going on a solo tour. Catch him live this weekend in Miami.
Iko Iko. Friday, April 27, 10 p.m., The Cabaret Stage at Tobacco Road, 626 S. Miami Ave., Miami. $5. The oldest video we could find of Iko Iko playing Tobacco Road dates to 1993. And their history stretches way, way, way further back. Go get a history lesson.
Thugfucker. Friday, April 27, 11 p.m., TreeHouse, 323 23rd St., Miami. $10. A Yankee and a Viking walk into a bar ... No, seriously, Thugfucker is a duo comprised of an American and a dude from Iceland.
Miami Beach Senior High Rock Ensemble's 40th Anniversary Concert. Saturday, April 28, 7 p.m., Miami Beach Senior High, 2231 Prairie Ave., Miami Beach. $10. Celebrate the remarkable career of Doug Burris at this very special 40-year anniversary concert. Read Crossfade's full article, "Miami Beach Senior High Rock Ensemble Turns 40 and Its Creator, Doug Burris, Retires."
Afrobeta. Presented by Grand Central and Spring 44. Saturday, April 28, 11 p.m., Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami. Free with RSVP to email@example.com. We love Cuci and Tony so much that we're doubling down on Afrobeta. Last week at Sweatstock, this week at Grand Central.
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SHOW ME HOW
Rattle. Sunday, April 29, 10 p.m., Mamushka's, 31 NW 36th St., Miami. Free. Same party, same day. Every Sunday, young man Jesus Trincado Manet hits you with the greats like The New York Dolls, The Gene Vincent, The Soda Pop Kids. Get rattled.