Sometimes it seems as though half the people we meet are dudes. Yet very few of them are oiled-up studs, shaking their bulging dong slings in our face.
Chin up, though. Because Stripped: The Show is coming to Martini Bar at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale Beach. And the men of Stripped don't have just washboard abs; they can perform one-hour dry cleaning with those things.
Unlike the furry hunchbacks we're all so used to seeing peel off their sweatpants on the Metrobus, the men of Stripped aren't just going to waggle their Cheetos-stained wangs for a couple of minutes and then fall asleep. No, we're going to get a full evening's entertainment.
See, Rike Mambo, Orlando, and Eduar aren't just hunky strippers. They are the Strippers del Mambo, a group of Latin dancers and singers from Miami who just so happen to be chiseled like whoa.
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Yes, they'll dress — momentarily — as firemen and policemen. But they'll let your house burn down and robbers tie your grandmother to a chair and pistol-whip her until she gives up the jewels. Because after a full strip show, instead of putting their uniforms back on, the Strippers del Mambo will perform a sizzling merengue concert.
The hunks will even take photographs with us. That way we can show our grandchildren that once upon a time, we stood next to a man whose lats were so well defined they made the Oxford English Dictionary look like a Laffy Taffy wrapper. After that, it's DJs and dancing until 3 in the morning.
Most guys think a full evening's entertainment means getting to the movie theater early enough to catch the trailers. Not the Strippers del Mambo. One tip, ladies: Wear your diaphragm instead of a hat. Because otherwise, Rike Mambo, Orlando, and Eduar will impregnate your brain with unyielding dreams of using your body as a carnal Bowflex.