You're not going to spend your Saturday night watching South Carolina Republican Primary results on CNN, right? Of course not, the Grand Old Party's an elephant-sized waste of time and Calvin Harris is playing LIV.
Peel yourself off grandma's plastic-covered sofa, take some ecstasy, and get your ass to la playa, uhntz-uhntz, bleep-bleep, bloop-bloop's taking over.
Check out Crossfade's guide to the South Beach's hottest parties this weekend.
Nicky Romero and Sultan + Ned Shepard. Thursday, January 19, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. $40. Dutchman Nicky Romero leads a wild pack of beat makers and bass droppers tonight at LIV, driving everyone onto a remixed edge of glory. What does that even mean? Who cares?
Magic Circus Presents: Laurent Garnier. Friday, January 20, 11 p.m., Amnesia, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. $30. Turns out, the French love bacon. And Laurent Garnier's favorite is the crispy kind.
Disco Sh*t Presents: EDX. Friday, January 20, 11 p.m., Arkadia, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. $30. Swiss beats invade the Fontainebleau. You should be dancing.
Calvin Harris. Saturday, January 21, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. $125. Calvin Harris found mainstream love in a Rihanna's "Hopeless Place," now the British beat-maker's riding a Top 40 wave straight into LIV.
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Sebastien Leger. Sunday, January 21, 11 p.m., SET, 320 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach. $20. He's the 190th best DJ in the world! But he's the absolute best playing SET on Sunday. Vive la France house music!