Sex on the Dance Floor: A Ten-Point Guide to Making Love in the Club
Dancing is about fucking. Period.
Anyone who says they just loooove to dance is either lying or totally DTF. Dancing dirty is just dancing honestly.
This mating ritual is an essential cog in the complex machine that is The Birds and The Bees. But there is more than one way to physically signify the insatiable booty-hungriness of the horny human.
Here is Crossfade's ten-point guide to making love in the club.
10. Lambada (The Forbidden Dance)
This Brazilian fusion of preexisting South American rump-shaking traditions became an international sensation in the 1980s. But it wasn't the original Forbidden Dance. In the 1920s, Maxixe (an antecedent and influence to the Lambada that also started in Brazil) was the first sensual dance craze to be described as prohibido. But as The Lambada Industry continued to induce Lambada Mania, they naturally played up the dance's provocative tone and short-ass miniskirts. Movies like Lambada and The Forbidden Dance, both released in the 1990s, immortalized the trend as truly profane.
9. Dirty Dancing
See also: That 1987 cinematic classic entitled Dirty Dancing. While the Lambada is certainly featured in this cult dance movie, Baby and Johnny Castle writhe and wiggle in a class unto themselves. Somewhere between Broadway musical and nudie booth, Dirty Dancing redefined dirty dancing.
8. Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights
Yes, No. 8 is essentially the same as the entry that precedes it. Pero, este es mucho más picante.
7. Veil Dance
The headscarves known as veils date back to the 13th century B.C., when the Assyrians began to employ the accessory as a marker of purity and nobility. Originally a symbol of chastity, the veil quickly became a symbol of lust via the OG striptease.
The Grind is the furious mashing together of private parts and buttocks, to music. It's like free-improv dry humping with a soundtrack. This is the formal foundation for the many ways that people get freaky-deaky on the dancefloor, whether at Bar Mitzvahs or a bachelor parties.
5. Booty Dancing
The Booty Dance is a hip-hop stylized version of The Grind. It spans genres, nationalities, creeds, and family ties. No matter what part of the world you live in, when the DJ drops "Tootsie Roll," you know every shawty in earshot is archin' their back and twerkin' their tush. Niche genres like reggaeton and acid house have their own versions and terminology. But at the end of the day, it's all booty dancing. It is only through booty dancing that we are finally One Human Family.
This is the fascist's Booty Dancing. The average North American middle-schooler will likely grind or witness grinding before they hit the 8th grade. Most people booty dance. But only the filthiest dirt freex have the stamina for the Cirque du Soleil of bucknasty pantomime known as Daggering.
3. Contemporary North American Striptease
If we were to watch the history of stripping on fast forward (y'know, something like the accelerated footage of flowers growing or fetuses gestating), we would witness the sensual seduction of Egyptian cabaret transform, quite suddenly, into a monotonously depressing display of flesh in a club with floors so sticky that you have to tip the bartender to cut you loose.
2. Getting Wasted at a Rave and Humping a Tree
And by getting wasted we mean packing the bong with DMT, Bath Salts, and organic banana peels.
1. The Macarena (The Forbidden Dance 2)
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