Rock of Ages Tour at BankAtlantic Center August 9

Diabetes, a literal hole in the heart, and severe brain hemorrhaging would almost certainly kill the common man. But Poison's Bret Michaels is not your average joe. "I feel really great," he recently told the Columbus Dispatch. "I'm about 90-percent back from the hemorrhage and the heart surgery. I feel better now than ever, but I still have a little further to go. I will be great." Moreover, Michaels's determination to overcome medical woes might soon be the backbone of a Poison biopic. According to the Dispatch, the 49-year-old rock star is planning a movie about his life. "Mostly, when you see rock movies, it has to be this over-the-top thing," he said. "I want to give people a Bret Michaels movie where they see that my life is a comedy of errors." Those errors, however, are already abundantly clear. Between 2007 and 2009, Michaels was synonymous with train-wreck television. That's when the Poison frontman cashed in on his '80s glam-metal days and landed a deal with VH1 to produce Rock of Love, a reality TV program that focused on 20 wannabes viciously vying for Bret's affection. Naturally, it became one of the network's most-watched shows. And for the first time in TV history, fans got to watch as an aging rock star's sense of reality deteriorated in prime time! But while Rock of Love was a sad affair, it still wasn't as embarrassing as Pets Rock, Michaels's exclusive new collection of "toys, beds, apparel, collars, leashes, and bowls" for PetSmart. C'mon, you're dying to watch a Bret Michaels biopic.