Rumors are swirling like smoke from a baguette-sized blunt that rap superhero Rick Ross had his God Forgives, I Don't tour bus robbed by armed thugs in Detroit. Ross was elsewhere, almost certainly making money and letting fine-ass area women graze in his beard. Fortunately, no one else was on board the bus, either.
The thieves probably should have robbed God instead. Not just because He forgives and Rick Ross don't, but also because there is a far more lucrative resale market for heavenly gold harps than for iced-out medallions of Rick Ross's face.
See the cut for idle speculation and pics of the bus after the break-in.
Lest you think that bawses don't ride buses, remember that Rozay only re-upped his Miami Transit EASY card after suffering two midair seizures on his private jet.
These days, he rolls from town to town on a double decker bus that has his face on the side and dollar signs in place of each S in his name. In terms of not attracting robbers, this is one step below pushing your wallet into the toes of your shoes at the beach and one step above using a $20 bill as a sleep mask while napping in the park.
Rick Ross and an earlier tour bus, in happier times:
MediaTakeOut.com has the exclusive photos of the inside of the bus, reproduced above. The blog charmingly posits that the criminals in poverty-afflicted Detroit looked at the bus and "thought it was FOOD!!!"
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We're no Jessica Fletcher. But based on that photo of the stairs, the police should be looking for guys with really bad dandruff wearing size XXXXL MMG t-shirts.
In the meantime, Ross fans should start checking Detroit pawnshops for limited-edition Reeboks that smell vaguely of warm hot wings.