Regina Spektor at Fillmore Miami Beach November 17

Despite all of the hootin', hollerin', and mouth-breathin' about "Obamacare," communism is nowhere near making a comeback. Let's review the facts: It's been more than 20 years since David Hasselhoff rubbed his gargantuan wienerschnitzel all over the crumbling Berlin Wall. Then China went so far to the left it ended up on the right. And McDonald's will likely set up shop in Cuba before the decade is over. Sorry, bro. It's tough for us to take you seriously when you call Barack Obama a socialist. Maybe you should turn the cross hairs of that McCarthy-style paranoia onto a public figure who might actually be a secret member of the Red Army. Like folky singer-songwriter Regina Spektor. She was born in Moscow. Her middle name is Ilyinichna. And upon returning from her first trip to Mother Russia after immigrating to the Bronx at the age of 9, the quirky, piano-pounding songstress was infused with a newfound nationalism. She told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that her trip was simultaneously "exciting," "emotional," and "mind-blowing." What she failed to mention was that, according to our manic imagination, all of her time offstage was dedicated to secret, underground bunker jam sessions with Vladimir Putin. We can't wait for the commie-tastic bootleg!


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