Rayzor on Republicans: 'They Think Vaginas Have Secret Compartments Full of Graham Crackers to Absorb Rape Sperm'
Rayzor is the kind of comedian who doesn't suffer fools lightly. Especially not fool-ass Republicans who are contemptuous of women's rights to control their own reproductive health.
"The thing I will say about those Republicans," he tells Crossfade, "is that they let us know. I just recently learned from them that the vagina has a secret compartment full of graham crackers and, if you're raped and it's not legitimate, it opens up and the graham crackers make it real dry to protect you.
"They're very educational that way, these Republicans."
Rayzor is performing on Monday, August 27 at G5ive Lounge in North Miami. It's a show being produced by Dave and LT of TruStory Entertainment. They're the same guys who brought Rick Ross and big-booty strippers to you and 3,000 other ballers at King of Diamonds last month.
So naturally, Crossfade wanted to know if Rayzor's going to be voting for Mitt Romney.
"What? Mitt Romney? There's no fucking way I'm voting for Mitt Romney."
Looks like Santorum still has an outside shot on the write-in vote, then.
But when he's not passing out "I Did Build It" buttons in front of Publix and trying to get his country back, Rayzor's chilling with his heavy-hitter hip-hop friends. They bundle up in their Huckabee snuggies and discuss the virtues of Paul Ryan's medicare vouchers ... and how well they'd work as rolling papers.
"I've been blessed to hang out with a lot of successful guys," Rayzor says. "Rick Ross, Uncle Luke, Trick Daddy is a good friend. All of them have a few similar things. First is their work ethic and second is that all of them are intelligent. You have to refuse to accept, 'No.' You're going to get more no in this life than yes. Every no is one no closer to the person that will say yes."
This inspired Crossfade to seek out our next no. So we asked Rayzor how many was the most tatted-up babes he had ever seen Rick Ross take into his bedroom at once. You know Rick Ross's bedroom, don't you? The one with the glistening black carpet the same texture and scent as his Bawse beard?
"You know I'm not going to answer that," Rayzor said. "First of all, snitches get stitches. But how many you can count in the videos, that's what it is. We're from Miami. All that comes with the territory for everybody here.
"In Miami, you can be a Bawse of your own world. You've probably got big-booty hoes of your own. I know you've got hoes with computers and glasses and in the skinny jeans. You've got big-booty hoes of your own and you get the flat-bootied white girls, too. I know it. In Miami, everyone can be the Bawse."
Be your own Bawse with Rayzor at G5ive Lounge tonight.
A Night of Laughter with Rayzor, hosted by Malik S. with live music by Deep Fried Funk. A TruStory Entertainment Production. Monday, August 27. G5ive Lounge, 337 NW 170th St., North Miami. Doors open at 8pm and the show starts at 9. Call 786-312-4489 or visit g5ive.com
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene with music features, additional online music listings and show picks. We'll also send special ticket offers and music promotions available only to our Music Newsletter subscribers.