Valentine's Day is all about sex, bass, and croquetas.
Like Tina Turner says, "What's love got to do with it." And like Tio Pepe says, "It's a variety show, pipo, not a gang bang."
We here at Crossfade caught up with Cuban puppet Pepe Billete ahead of the 305PLP ruckus at Gramps tonight for Valentine's Day.
Here's what he has to say about goin' raw, pan con pinga, and Cadillac Culo.
Crossfade: What does Valentine's Day mean to you?
Pepe Billete: Bueno, I'm a single puppet with an affinity for ratcheteras and sucias. They tend to be single too. So I don't do much on Valentine's Day that's very different from any other day in the year. Singueta y jodedera.
Who are the 305PLP crew?
The 305PLP crew is more of a lifestyle than it is a crew. You have to be from here to understand it. If you're born and raised in Miami, you know exactly what it means to be 305PLP.
The talented people I work with in my production company, Escoria Films, are all 305PLP by default. As a matter of fact, my entire cast is putting on a live variety show at Gramps on Valentine's Day. I won't be performing live, porque I only do one live comedy show a year every April, but I helped my crew put this one together and believe me when I tell you that nothing can prepare you for what they have in store. Juliesy y Karla, The Suarez, my baby mama Ashley AKA "Cadillac Culo," and Otto Von Schirach. Tremendo despelote.
Is the night more for fucking? Or making love?
Its a variety show, pipo, not a gang bang.
What is the difference between fucking and making love?
Acere, If you have to ask, you're doing both wrong.
What will the variety show consist of?
Coño pipo, a variety of things. But the one constant throughout is a good focking time.
Talk about the music.
TREMENDOOOOOO FOCKING BASSSSSSSS courtesy of my partner in music, el sucio, Otto Von Schirach. We have a band together called "Pepe y Otto." I'm Pepe, he's Otto. We're like the ESOL Hall & Oates
Is it possible for a club to have so much bass that it makes pussies wet and dicks hard?
What do you recommend for food and drinks on Valentine's Day?
Croquetas, pastelitos, Malta, y un lechaso.
What is some raw ass shit to say to a significant other on valentines day? In English, and in Cuban...
In English: Oye, Mami, I'd like to wear your culo as a hat.
In Cuban: Oye, linda, si te agarro, te embarro.
If you start the night with no date, how do you meet someone special?
Go to afterhours and pull your dick out.
What is some romantic ass shit you can do for this day?
Rent out the cave room at the Miami Princess, dress up like a cave man and y metele un mangueraso a tu jeva with no condom on. Every girl loves a little role play and nothing says I love you like going raw.
If you see a girl crying by herself eating subway sandwich by herself on valentines day, what is the right thing to do?
Throw the sub away and treat her to a nice pan con pinga.
What if your date sucks, can you ditch them at midnight?
If she sucks, give her my number. I'm always down for a good mamadita.
Any shout outs?
Shout out to you and Crossfade, pipo, thanks for showing love to your Tio and his crew. Un abrazo.
Pero But Like Whatever It's a Super Cute Variety Show Bro. With Pepe Billete, Juleisy Y Karla, The Suarez, Otto Von Schirach IV, Ashley Somuchpower Bodie, and Ded Cooter. Friday, February 14. Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami. There will be three shows at 8 p.m., 10, and midnight. Tickets cost $50 per couple and include "a bottle of bubbles and one rose." Email email@example.com. Call 786-752-6693 or visit grampsbar.com.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!