Music's Five Dumbest Marketing Trends
Photo by George Martinez
You gimmicky schmucks.
Yes, you. The multi-platinum artist reigning over the Billboard charts, farting out hits like your shit doesn't stink. Actually, it smells like your soul died and rotted.
It's so hard to hear any good music over all these wack-ass jumble jams. Your keywords are rich, but your imagination is filing for bankruptcy. It's a bad look even if you are too big to fail.
Here are music's five dumbest marketing trends.
See also: EDM's Five Biggest Hacks
The Dandy Warhols: Distortland Tour
TicketsSat., Oct. 1, 8:00pm
Max & Iggor Cavalera
TicketsSun., Oct. 2, 7:00pm
Charlie Puth - We Don't Talk Tour 2016
TicketsTue., Oct. 4, 7:30pm
Peter Frampton Raw: An Acoustic Tour
TicketsWed., Oct. 5, 7:30pm
Anderson, Rabin & Wakeman
TicketsThu., Oct. 6, 8:00pm
Whoever started this trend is a real sticky booger. We all love music videos. We remember when it took two hours just to download one, and it was totally worth it. That means quality is worth waiting for, and since you're going to put out a real visual anyway, why not just take the fuckin' time and come out with it when you're good and ready. Don't make some dumb sing-along, karaoke-lookin' shit just because you wanna cop mad YouTube dollars. They are always cheesy. It's lame. You're lame. Stop it.
Jackin' '90s Beats
We are 100 percent about the '90s revival. We have been rockin' circle sunnies and flannel for at least a year now, and we are about to go acid wash some jeans when this post is done. But that doesn't mean you can just go coast on a classic anthem from 20 years ago because it's dope. We know it's dope. We never stopped listening to it. If you're an "artist," you should be able to come up with your own instant classic. Cut the crap and get to work.
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