Once upon a time, a little wooden liar named Pinocchio took a trip to Pleasure Island with a pig-nosed, redheaded punk. "They say it's a swell joint. No school. No cops," the punk told Pinocchio. "You can tear the joint apart. And nobody says a word."
Sounds a little like Churchill's Pub, right? Well, the similarities will become almost undeniable when you, Pinocchio, the punk, and 500 delinquent friends ride an overloaded jitney to the Little Haiti hangout's door, pay the $10 cover charge, and enter the belly of the beast called Monstr0, a 10,000-pound behemoth that belches psychedelic screams and brutal riffage.
Of course, we aren't talking about just the massive black sea mammal that swallowed old Walt's beloved wooden puppet like a toothpick. Born in early 2009, MonstrO is also a four-man metal band — Miami native and former Torche/Floor/Cavity guitar guy Juan Montoya alongside bassist Kyle Sanders, drummer Bevan Davies, and lead screamer Carlos Suarez — hailing from the sludgy depths of Atlanta.
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With Black Tusk, Kyng, Mere Quantum Noise, and Dyslexic Postcards. 8 p.m. Friday, December 16, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Admission costs $10 at the door.
So pig out on Pleasure Island's whole roasted chickens, fresh pie, and ice-cream cones. Smoke your heads off. Get wasted on buckets of beer. But beware — this whale of a whale of a band will suck you into its gut, half-digest your intoxicated gluttonous ass, and puke you back onto the streets at midnight.
MonstrO is swimming this way. Watch out.