Two years ago, if you told us cute little Hannah Montana would chop off all her hair and make a sexually explicit song with dubstep producer and porn star enthusiast Borgore, we would have LOL-ed in your face.
But not only has Miley Cyrus and Mr. Gore recorded a song about getting mad pussy, they rubbed each other down with cake in the new music video.
Yes, times are changing, and it may seem strange, but that's only because it is. Check out how weird these two get with Crossfade's extremely detailed breakdown of Miley's sex tape, AKA the new "Decisions" music video.
0:00 - 0:18
Borgore sets the scene, looking hella fly at dawn in his polar bear spirit hoodie. He's ready to roll out with his massive bike rickshaw and stripper cake. Where is he taking it?
0:19 - 1:00
Decked out like a true crazy person, he makes his way down the center of the strip, past the hot beach bodies and freaky street performers. Miley's voice is all over the track. But so far, she's missing in action. He rides his cake through Beverly Hills, deep into the night.
1:01 - 1:27
We reach the first drop as Borgore hits the mean city streets. He takes his cake right to the doorsteps of the fanciest party in town. Of course, all the ladies are turning their heads to get a better look. Bitches love cake, y'know? Some little security bros try to push the hoes out of our hero's way and escort him into the library.
1:28 - 1:55
Borgore takes a slow walk through the speakeasy entrance, singing about bitches with the kind of emotionless expression one might see on the face of a serial sex addict. He makes his way into the crowd, which is very rowdy and also rockin' lots of spirit hoodies.
1:56 - 2:22
"Decisions between a family and a porn star" kicks off this really inspirational verse. Borgore shows off his VIP lifestyle, chilling at the table with four beautiful bitches and a wee goat. Deep down, Borgore is sad, because he knows the love he gets from these women and playful goats isn't real. They just want him for his cake. But as long as he doesn't run outta icing, every day is his birthday.
2:23 - 2:50
Second drop ... And suddenly, Miley! She's the entertainment at Borgore's big birthday bash and she's jumping out of that cake like a proper whore. She can really hang with the rough crowd, swinging her hair back and forth with no regrets. She even makes out with a horse, which is pretty different than Disney.
2:51 - 3:17
Miley and Borgore have a serious food fight, rubbing this red velvet cake all over each other's sexy bods. She shows off her supersexy tongue, because she's not a little girl anymore and she can do what she wants. These freaks looks like they're really good friends. We wonder what Miley's dad thinks of her new BFF.
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3:18 - 4:07
These new besties ride into the sunset together, almost like a recently wed couple off to consummate the marriage. Miley looks stunning in some ratchet-ass mascara. She's clearly thinking, "This was the best night of my life. I totally love dubstep." Also, you can buy the Bitches Love Cake t-shirt to commemorate this match made in wobble heaven that no one could have predicted.