Miley Cyrus Is Getting Married! Two-Tiered Penis Cake and Other Wedding Predictions
Miley Cyrus is getting hitched.
After about a year of exploring her sexuality, running around barefoot and braless in Los Angeles, and allegedly becoming a pot head, the 19-year-old pop princess is ready to settle down with boyfriend of three years and The Hunger Games star, Liam Hemsworth.
"I'm so happy to be engaged and look forward to a life of happiness with Liam," Cyrus told People magazine yesterday.
"Life is beautiful," she later tweeted, almost certainly referring to her engagement. And though a date hasn't been set for the couple's nuptials, Crossfade's banking on a memorable reception complete with wardrobe malfunctions and phallic baked goods.
Here are five things you might see at Miley's wedding.
5. The Return of "Achy Breaky Heart"
Twenty years ago, Miley's father, legendary country singer and Disney star Billy Ray Cyrus released "Achy Breaky Heart," crossover country's seminal hit.
Because he's a master at exploiting his daughter for his own celebrity gain, we're betting a week's worth of blog money that Miley jumps on stage with the live band to perform Daddy Cyrus's "Achy Breaky Heart."
4. Munchies Buffet
You know you're a stoner when...
At her 19th birthday, Cyrus was presented with a Bob Marley cake and said, "You know you're a stoner when friends make you a Bob Marley cake--you know you smoke way too much fuckin' weed."
Miley all but admitted she smokes pot on the reg. And it got us thinking, a wedding reception buffet of Fritos, fruit-loops, caramel, and a pop rocks would be so dank.
3. Bridesmaids' Side-Boob
What would Miley wear to her best friend's wedding? Who cares, so long as there's side-boob?
2. Dream Catcher Keepsakes
Little Miss Cyrus loves dream catchers. She's even got one tattooed beneath her right armpit. And when Miley gets married, dream catcher keepsakes could be given out to each and every guest at the wedding reception. Consider it an eternal reminder of the Cyrus-Hemsworth nuptials, the dream wedding you can take home and hang over your bed.
1.Two-Tiered Wedding Penis Cake
Earlier this year, in front of a packed house, Miley Cryrus licked icing off her boyfriend's penis-shaped birthday cake. Complete with testicles and pubic hair, the massive frosted cock was a huge hit.
On their wedding night, Miley and Liam should bring back the dick dessert while somehow incorporating a red velvet vagina-shaped cake to represent the couple's bond as husband and wife.
Anatomy never tasted so good.
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