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Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber "Twerk": An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

Study this face, for pretty soon, we'll never see it again.
Study this face, for pretty soon, we'll never see it again.

Poor Miley Cyrus. The former Disney princess finally has her moment in the spotlight, and turns out, she's a one-trick pony. We're starting to think she just shows up at parties and gets to doing the single awkward thing she can. Well, she's probably pretty good at bummin' lines, but we don't actually have any proof of that one.

Yet the last thing we need is more proof that this scrawny gringa thinks she's a ratchet dancer, but for the millionth time in two days, that's what she's given us. Oh, and hey, Justin Bieber is getting in on the action too.

Are you ready for the saddest example of black culture appropriation since Riff Raff? OK, let's dive in.

See also:

-Miley Cyrus (Briefly) Takes Over South Beach's Clevelander Hotel: "Twerk Contest, Anyone?"

0:00 - 0:17

OMG, we immediately hate Miley and the Biebz. We suppose this is their official bid for a King of Diamonds-ready strip anthem. Justin Bieber saying "twerk it, twerk it" would be one of the creepiest things we've ever heard, if not for Miley Cyrus' nasal chipmunk voice.

0:18 - 0:47

How hard is Beiber channeling Chris Brown right now? Is he about to smack a bitch? Also, what the fuck is he saying? "Way that you movin', baby, I might be a game"? "I would come and talk to you but it's not whhaaaaat"? This is completely nonsensical. How high were they?

0:48 - 1:00

Oh yeah, haha, they were so high, they thought Miley Cyrus should ever make that noise. Bdubs, this song is supposedly by Lil Twist, Bieber's "rapper" friend. Umm, where the fuck is he? Does anyone even know what he sounds like?

1:01 - 1:31

No! Miley, don't get into any car with Bieber. He's just going to drive a million miles an hour and crash and die, probably.

1:32 - 1:46

We're, like, really more than ready for Waka Flocka to come put these white suburban privileged fucks in their place.

1:47 - 2:34

Gawd! Why did we just do that to ourselves? This is what happens when you don't listen to Drake and start hanging out with fake fame-hungry friends. We can only imagine how this will make Miley and the Biebz feel in five years. We hope they have little twerk babies together.

Selena Gomez, you got out just in time.

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