How much money is too much to blow on New Year's Eve? That's a trick question, because for the right wallet, the answer can only be, "There's no such thing."
Miami is a top-tier party destination and a big spender's paradise. So if you're looking to start 2014 by blowing $100,000 or so (because green faces get heavy), we here at Crossfade have got the perfect hangouts for you.
These are Miami's six most expensive NYE parties. And even if you're too poor for table service, you might still enjoy hating on these ticket prices.
Luciano Vagabundos. With Argy, Rony Seikaly. Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $100 to $20,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Sure, you could play it safe and score general admission tix for $100. But why not enjoy Luciano's digital, four-songs-at-once swag from the comfort of a dance-floor table with 14 of your friends for $20,000? That is, if you can handle it. This party comes with complimentary premium open bar from 9 p.m. to midnight and a champagne toast. Sweet deal.
Dirty South. Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., Wet at W South Beach, 2201 Collins Ave., South Beach; 305-938-3000; wsouthbeach.com/wet. Tickets cost $136.25 to $39,240 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up This electro-house superstar is coming all the way from Melbourne to party with you. So what's the big deal in droppin' almost $40K? For just $39,240 plus taxes, you and 29 of your best buddies (or people who pretend to be your friends) can fist-pump it out on your own stage in front of the VIP section. Open bar until midnight included. Sounds reasonable.
See also: NYE-Gone-Wild Stories From Miami
Tiësto Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $400 to $50,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Calling all the sexy ladies, this party will only cost you $400. But sorry, fellas, your general admission is a solid $600. Of course, though, big ballers don't settle for standard shit. They go for the upgrade with a dance-floor VIP table for $50K. At least Tiësto guarantees "the ultimate Tiësto set" with all your favorites, old and new. As is becoming standard, there will be an open bar, running until a champagne toast at midnight.
French Montana. Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., Bamboo, 550 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-4771; bamboomiamibeach.com. Tickets cost $50 to $50,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Mr. Montana hails from NYC, but he wants to celebrate the new year in the MIA. For a mere $50,000, you can enjoy the "ultimate VIP experience party package" complete with free booze, complimentary buffet starting at 9 p.m., a meet-and-greet with French, a table next to him and his buddies, and your own private security team. That way, the poor people won't even be able to get their grubby, grabby hands on you.
See also: Miami's New Year's Eve 2014 Party Guide
Lil Wayne. Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-587-2272; cameomiami.com. Tickets cost $50 to $100,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Drop a tenth of a milli to hear "A Milli" with Weezy on South Beach. The proudly billed "most expensive table in the country" resides at Cameo and offers the most decadent New Years' experience imaginable. Meet-and-greet the Young Money mastermind in his studio with four of your friends, then enjoy ten bottles of GT Vodka, 50 bottles of rosé Champagne, five bottles of Hennessy VS, and ten bottles of Patrón. Just make sure to save some dollar bills for the girls on the stripper poles.
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St. Tropez presents NYC's DJ Berrie. Wednesday, December 31, 9 p.m., SET, 320 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 305-531-2800; setmiami.com. Tickets cost $50 to $100,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Cameo isn't the only club with a $100,000 price-tag table. For NYE, the famed St. Tropez from the south of France will take over Miami's SET for a night with NYC's DJ Berrie. General admission includes a three-hour open bar. But for the big bucks, you get a table in the DJ booth as well as five bottles of Grey Goose, five bottles of Don Julio 1942, and 100 bottles of Cristal. That's called the "Jet 'SET'" package.
Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.