Time to grind in the 305.
It's Memorial Day weekend, AKA Urban Beach Week. As usual, South Beach and the mainland will be offering a great variety of new and old, ratchet and refined, as well as some straight gangsta lineups.
So start practicing your twerk, get your 26-inch chrome rims installed, and stack that paper high. Things are about to get ever so slightly turnt up.
Here are the ten best parties during Memorial Day weekend 2014 in Miami.
See also: Miami's Ten Best Hip-Hop Clubs
Hot 97's Takeover. Hosted by Love & Hip Hop's Erica Mena. With DJ Camilo, Fergie & Springer, Massive B, and DJ Young Chow. 11 p.m. Thursday, May 22, at Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Ages 21 and up. This legendary New York City hip-hop and R&B station is always on point with its classic yet eclectic mix of tunes. So expect a p-a-r-t-y that wouldn't seem out of place in an old House Party movie when Hot 97's top DJs take over the Cameo decks. Also, Erica Mena is fiiiiiine.
Fabolous. Presented by Headliner Market Group. With DJ Stevie J, Iron Lyon, and Fly Guy. 10 p.m. Thursday, May 22, at Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Dark, moody, soulful -- he's Fabolous. Now, hopefully, for Memorial Day weekend, the Brooklyn fave will be spitting tracks from his new, long-awaited album, Loso's Way 2: Rise to Power. Because if lead single, "When I Feel Like It," is any indication, that will mean the party plan just might include fast cars, loose cash, and public fellatio. As Fab might say: "Err!"
See also: Five Richest Rappers of 2014
Rich Homie Quan. Presented by Zoe Fam Productions and PLA Marketing Group. 10 p.m. Friday, May 23, at King of Diamonds, 17800 NE Fifth Ave., Miami; 305-999-9500; officialkod.com. Ages 21 and up. Rappers and strip clubs go together like stone crabs and mustard sauce. So naturally, the big ballers of hip-hop, including Atlanta's Rich Homie Quan, have made weekend-long reservations at Miami's world-famous King of Diamonds. Of course, enjoying the finer things like shellfish and strippers can be expensive, so y'all should expect the ladies of KOD to run train on your wallet. But just imagine the priceless emotional high that will come from simultaneously experiencing Quan's skillful, urgent flow and the skillful, urgent thrusts of a top-notch exotic dancer.
Jeezy. As part of Who's Who. With E-Feezy and Don Hot. 11 p.m. Friday, May 23, at Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Tickets cost $50 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. It's tradition, player. Every Memorial Day weekend, Jeezy the Southern hip-hop king brings Hotlanta to the MIA. He promises "models" and "champagne" while SoBe guarantees sweaty, sweaty people to grind on.
See also: Five Real Trap (Rap) Songs
Meek Mill and DJ Khaled. With DJ Cali B, Fergie & Springer, DJ Bulletproof, and Massive B. 11 p.m. Friday, May 23, at Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $50 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. This holiday, Miami kingpin DJ Khaled will be welcoming frequent collaborator Meek Mill to the 305 for an evening of convict music. They're both prepping 2014 releases, and they're both out to prove something. Thus, a warning: This party will be fucking loud. We can already hear Khaled screaming, "Listennn! Turn up! We Da Best!"
Miami Madness Sunday Bar-B-Q. Hosted by Juelz Santana. With Benze Lohan, DJ Lyve, DJ Boof, DJ Epps, and DJ Seizure. Sunday, May 25, at Sea Level Lounge, 825 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Dipset stalwart Juelz Santana will be hosting a pool party for the nation's "sexiest and mature partygoers," offering the opportunity to chill and "mingle" with all your favorite celebs. (So who knows, maybe dame Judie Dench or Helen Mirren will be there!) And why pass up an opportunity to go to a Sunday Bar-B-Q with Juelz? Who do you think you are? Huh, bitch?
See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Rapper
YMCMB's Memorial Weekend Takeover. With DJ Stevie J and Don P. 11 p.m. Sunday, May 25. LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Ages 21 and up. The Young Money Cash Money folks always plan a few nice surprises when they go partyin' at LIV. So even though this year's official YMCMB lineup is still under wraps, it's highly likely that Lil Wayne will be going wacko in the VIP again. And yes, he's gonna bring his billionaire friends.
Lil Boosie. 10 p.m. Sunday, May 25, at King of Diamonds, 17800 NE Fifth Ave., Miami; 305-999-9500; officialkod.com. Ages 21 and up. Let's celebrate Boosie's recent prison release by getting down with him at King of Diamonds! Now, we agree that a strip club is hardly the ideal place for a parolee, but we hope the Baton Rouge, Louisiana rapper keeps his nose clean. The Lil guy truly seems to have entered a new chapter in his life, as evidenced by his introspective "Show the World" music video. It will also be interesting to see a man of Boosie's tiny stature beside KOD's statuesque, high-heeled dancers.
See also: South Beach's Ten Best Dance Clubs
Blackalicious. With DJ Heron, Serum, and Jedi Nemesis. Presented by Poplife. 7 p.m. Sunday, May 25, at Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Tickets cost $15 to $20 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 18 and up. Time to slow down a bit. Not everything about Memorial Day in Miami is wild, filthy, and decadent. Every reckless weekend needs a few funkier, groovier moments. So go get down to some smooth, classy beats with Blackalicious' Gift of Gab and Chief Excel. In the words of these wise men: "Laaaaah, di-dah, da-da-dee-dah."
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Floyd Mayweather. 10 p.m. Monday, May 26, at King of Diamonds, 17800 NE Fifth Ave., Miami; 305-999-9500; officialkod.com. Ages 21 and up. The champ earned a guaranteed $32 million on his last fight. And that doesn't even include the PPV back-end deal. Needless to say, he's going to have a lot of paper to make it rain on those KOD strippers. We still suspect some of the strippers -- looking at you, Vanity -- will find a way to make Floyd go broke. It's also fitting that the greatest boxer in the world will be going toe-to-toe with the greatest strip-club chicken wings in the world.
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