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Miami Heat's "All of the Lights" Video: Is The Big Three Actually a Boy Band?

Shit ... We thought the Miami Heat was an $80-million professional basketball team.

Turns out, though, The Big Three and company is actually a crappy boy band.

Just check out King James, D-Wade, and Big Bosh's new music video, set to Kanye West's weenie anthem "All of the Lights," and co-starring a bunch of bench warmers in ill-fitting mall clothes.

Only six and a half months ago, the Heat (especially that big baby LeBron) got woefully humiliated in the 2011 NBA Finals by the Dallas Mavericks, a ragtag squad led by the (almost) oldest point guard in b-ball history and a German dude who looks like a seven-foot-tall screaming skull.

Yet apparently, James, Wade, and Bosh thought that prancing and preening like pretty-boy pop stars for a really expensive YouTube vid was the best way to shake off the stank of defeat.

Chris Bosh ...  Just keepin' it awkward.
Chris Bosh ... Just keepin' it awkward.

Sure, this official "2011-12 Heat Intro Video" lasts less than a minute. But still, the clip is a sad, 58-second douchefest that never seems like it's gonna end.

As usual, Bosh looks goofy and uncomfortable, fiddling with his sunglasses, fixing his shirt sleeves, and yawning at the camera. Meanwhile, D-Wade sneers like he's taking an especially painful poop and LeBron lip-syncs like he closes out fourth quarters.

LeBron's lip-syncing is W-E-A-K.
LeBron's lip-syncing is W-E-A-K.

Man, this boy-band bullshit is embarassing enough right now. And The Big Three just kicked off the regular season with two straight wins.

But, uh, can you imagine having to re-watch this thing at 11:47 p.m. on a sweaty June night after the Miami Heat fuck up another championship?

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