Shit ... We thought the Miami Heat was an $80-million professional basketball team.
Turns out, though, The Big Three and company is actually a crappy boy band.
Just check out King James, D-Wade, and Big Bosh's new music video, set to Kanye West's weenie anthem "All of the Lights," and co-starring a bunch of bench warmers in ill-fitting mall clothes.
Only six and a half months ago, the Heat (especially that big baby LeBron) got woefully humiliated in the 2011 NBA Finals by the Dallas Mavericks, a ragtag squad led by the (almost) oldest point guard in b-ball history and a German dude who looks like a seven-foot-tall screaming skull.
Yet apparently, James, Wade, and Bosh thought that prancing and preening like pretty-boy pop stars for a really expensive YouTube vid was the best way to shake off the stank of defeat.
Chris Bosh ... Just keepin' it awkward.
Sure, this official "2011-12 Heat Intro Video" lasts less than a minute. But still, the clip is a sad, 58-second douchefest that never seems like it's gonna end.
As usual, Bosh looks goofy and uncomfortable, fiddling with his sunglasses, fixing his shirt sleeves, and yawning at the camera. Meanwhile, D-Wade sneers like he's taking an especially painful poop and LeBron lip-syncs like he closes out fourth quarters.
LeBron's lip-syncing is W-E-A-K.
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Man, this boy-band bullshit is embarassing enough right now. And The Big Three just kicked off the regular season with two straight wins.
But, uh, can you imagine having to re-watch this thing at 11:47 p.m. on a sweaty June night after the Miami Heat fuck up another championship?