Our esteemed music editor S. Pajot has already made his feelings clear about the over-the-top 2011-12 season intro video by the Miami Heat: "Apparently, James, Wade, and Bosh thought that prancing and preening like pretty-boy pop stars for a really expensive YouTube vid was the best way to shake off the stank of defeat."
But we started to think: Maybe the music -- Kanye West's "All of the Lights" -- was the real problem here. So we put a few of our favorite ditties over the video, and sure enough, this thing was a lot more bearable.
Don't ask, don't tell! This one really works with their sweaters.
The problem with the video was its unchecked aggression, despite the fact that the Heat flopped last season. Let's start this year nice, boys. Let's dance to a song about a brand new pair of rollerskates.
Hmmm, still needs a bit more shampoo and conditioner.
And we cannot forget that most important demographic, the ADD-afflicted children hungry for a classic American snack.
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Okay, so we were kind of joking around with the other choices. But seriously, how could they not have chosen the most grody song EVER-- the entrance music for fire-hurling baseball closers around the country? 'Cause what this team needs this year, damnit, is a closer. And all you need to know is at the 41-second mark.