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Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

We're not entirely sure why, but it seems that all of popular culture is rebelling against Madonna.

Talk show hosts, contemporary pop stars, and LARPers have all had something nasty to say about The Queen of Pop over the past few months.

In fact, the snark has been so intense, we wouldn't be surprised if the whole thing wasn't a "rebranding" comparable to Miley Cyrus promoting her newfound sluttiness. Maybe this is how people will start to think Madonna is edgy again, because she's just crazy enough to join Twitter for a day to talk shit.

Crossfade thinks all this phony bologna "feuding" is whack. Nonetheless, check out our top five Madonna-related beefs of 2012.

Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

The Challenger: Piers Morgan, Talk Show Host

The Dispute: From the second Morgan inherited Larry King's coveted slot, the host has inexplicably taken endless shots at The Queen of Pop. First he joked about Lady Gaga (more on her later) rendering Madonna irrelevant. Then he made fun of the Material Mom's manly arms. And now he's taken his ambiguously motivated hate to Twitter. The official responses? "Madonna doesn't even know who Piers Morgan is" and, most recently, that the talking head is "delusional for starting a feud with her."

The Winner: Madonna. Who the fuck is Piers Morgan?

Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

The Challenger: Lady Gaga

The Dispute: After a few months of broiling media tension over the similarities between Madonna's classic "Express Yourself" and Gaga's more recent "Born This Way," Esther went on 20/20 and told interviewer Cynthia McFadden that when she first heard the track she thought, "it sounded very familiar." Gaga's producer responded by calling Madonna an old lady and a few months later Gaga described the initial accusation as, "retarded."

The Winner: Lady Gaga. Even if she is guilty of plagiarism, hasn't Madonna been ripping off the gay club scene for decades?

 

Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

The Challenger: Elton John

The Dispute: John has been a total bitch to "MDNA" since at least 2004. The stated reason is that she lip syncs (what?), though we just think he's jealous. Most recently, the "Rocket Man" issued some snarky statements ahead of the Golden Globes and Madonna's Superbowl Halftime show.

The winner: Madonna, because Elton John's just a jealous drama queen.

Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

The Challenger: M.I.A.

The Dispute: Madonna didn't like that M.I.A. flipped off the audience during her (Madonna's) Superbowl Halftime show.

The winner: M.I.A., because Madonna's just a jealous drama queen.

Madonna's Phony Bologna Feuding: The Material Girl's Five Best Beefs of 2012

The challenger: Deadmau5

The dispute: This is the last time we're going over this. You know that song "Levels" by Avicii? Well, there's an entire festival devoted to remixing it to for three days while rich kids pleasure themselves with glowsticks. And Madonna was there. Deadmau5 wasn't, but he was pissed about Madonna. And drugs, he was really pissed about drugs. And yes, he still wears that fucking mau5head.

The winner: Everybody loses.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.


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