It's OK to be gay in Russia.
Well, it's actually okay to be gay anywhere. But in St. Petersburg, the "propagation of homosexuality" and "promotion of gay lifestyles" is severely frowned upon. And it's illegal.
So when Madonna showed up for a concert back on August 9, the singer did what any true champion of equal rights would do, passing out pink "No Fear" bracelets, waving an LGBT flag, and encouraging everyone in the audience to show "tolerance for the gay community."
Naturally, a group of anti-gay Ruskies fired back and bitch-slapped the LGBT-friendly pop superstar with a $10.7 million lawsuit. But according to the Associated Press, the Moskovsky district court dismissed the suit on Thursday.
"We aren't against homosexual people, but we are against the propaganda of perversion among minors," said Darya Dedova, one of the plaintiffs who testified on Thursday. "We want to defend the values of a traditional family, which are currently in crisis in this country. Madonna violated our laws and she should be punished."
To support the argument, Dedova plucked examples of gay culture from the Internet's gayest website, Wikipedia.
"Who will children grow up to be if they hear about the equal rights of the lesbian lobby and manly love with traditional sexual relations?" Dedova said. "The death rate prevails over the birth rate in the West; young guys are becoming gender neutral."
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Dedova's testimony was so hilariously erroneous that the judge had to threaten journalists with courtroom expulsion if they couldn't hold their collective laughter, the AP reports. Gays, she argued, could hamper the country's armed forces because homosexuals don't like to serve in the military.
Cleary, Dedova's never heard of the United States, where gay and lesbian soldiers proudly and openly fight for their country -- and look damn good doing it.