Sure, it's called the beautiful game. But occasionally, like local band (and rabid football fanatics) Lil Daggers will tell you, soccer's just straight-up sexy.
Sometimes, out there on the field in a sweaty pair of those short shorts, shit can get so hot that even the most talented and experienced footballer will lose control of himself.
You might start by slidetackling, shooting, scoring. But soon, there's a dangerous amount of adrenaline in the air. The vuvuzelas are blasting. And testosterone's spraying all over the fucking place. You try to resist. But before you can say, "Goal!," you're sucking face with an opposing player.
Just look at Argentine soccer stud Diego Maradona and famed Brazilian baller Pelé goin' at it.
Of course, this sexually charged sports scene is a work of fiction, depicted only on the Dagger dudes' newest piece of merch, a limited-edition t-shirt designed by singer Johnny Saraiva.
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As far as the public is aware, Maradona and Pelé never actually engaged in any kind of mutually penetrating tongue action. But you have to admit that there's definitely an element of synchronicity to the pairing -- two of soccer's most formidable goal scorers, both of whom wore number 10, swapping spit on the pitch while still wearing their lightly soiled uniforms.
Ultimately, no one's immune to the allure of fuckball. Even the greats.
Buy Lil Daggers' Maradona-Pelé makeout tee when it hits the internet's shelves in January.