Lady Gaga's Social Network LittleMonsters.com Is a Weird Internet Toilet Stall
Lady Gaga is a monster.
Having successfully dominated the social spheres of Facebook and Twitter, Mother Monster has launched an egocentric networking haven all her own.
A combination of Pinterest, Reddit, and '90s AOL chat rooms, LittleMonsters.com allows Gaga fans to share their shitty memes, Gaga news from across the net, creepy fan art, etc.
So, unless you're a completely obsessed freak, there's no reason to visit the site, right? Well, it is a good place to get your daily dose of weird. Let's take a closer look at this shit show and see what we find.
Carlos the Useless Gaga Style Aficionado
Lady Gaga is, like, the first official paper doll for fashion-forward gays. At the end of the day, she's rather two-dimensional and all the fun's in the outfits. At least, that's the best excuse we have for this guy's behavior. The Little Monster known only as "Carlos" has quickly taken control of the site's homepage by simply drawing pictures of the pop star in looks inspired by shit she's already worn. A lot of Carlos's time has been wasted, so you'd guess he must be 14. But his talent level says he's more likely in his 30s and his mom's basement, hunched over a desk, sweating profusely to capture the attention of various tweens and Mother Monster. At least he's getting all the up-votes!
Indeterminate Median Age
Speaking of weird dudes in their 30s, this site is loaded with them. Mostly, it's difficult to establish the exact age of these LittleMonsters.com chat room members. Maybe they're actually 12 and can't spell. Or maybe they're 40-something, foreign, and don't speak English. But there are plenty of monsters who proclaim their male and middle-aged status, and apparently some members are already getting those weird, spammy "I can haz date?" messages from all over the globe. The "Gay Monsters" chat has already degenerated into posts like "WANNA FUCK ME?" and "put fotoss." We're almost positive someone is having a strange Skype meeting any minute now.
Gaga vs. The World
Lady Gaga's message, if she really has one, is "Don't hate, appreciate." She's spear-heading this whole anti-bullying movement. Yet ironically, her fans are completely obsessed with her defiling and embarrassing the rest of the pop starlet universe. They just go back and forth talking about her fighting Madonna, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, and Nikki Minaj. Countless original memes show Gaga making a total ass out of the rest of them, calling them out as copycats. But real talk, if this were high school, Lady Gaga is like the captain of the cheerleading squad. She's the richest, most popular, and most obnoxious of them all. So ... Why are fat girls rooting for her again?
This Freakish Face
We're not sure where this photo was taken, but we know where it's going -- into all the worst internet memes ever made. This unfortunate face has become the punch line of many nonsensical inside monster jokes. Did you know Lady Gaga is Italian?
Its Hopes for the Future
Some fans have expressed concerns in the discussion section of the site, wondering when and how LittleMonsters.com will evolve into something more than just an Internet toilet stall. Unfortunately for them, this isn't possible. The site has been up for mere hours, and already it's becoming a black hole of spam bots, cam whores, creeps, and children. We don't see much hope for intelligent social discourse or artistic discovery. Oh well, guess it's back to fapping.
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