Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" and Four More Dance-Pop Remakes That Will Make You Puke
Dance remakes of pop hits are the bane of civilization.
It's bad enough that we have to put up with an endless supply of shitty Top 40 originals, mashups, and remixed remixes by the likes of David Guetta and the Black Eyed Peas. But do we also have to endure cheesy big-room club remakes that somehow manage to be even lamer than the originals? Apparently, the answer is yes, because these aural abominations just keep piling up like so many Lady Gaga fashion disasters.
Anyway, we'll cut the rant short. Just make the jump for Crossfade's five worst dance-pop remakes of all time.
5. Enrique Iglesias's "Hero"
TicketsSun., Jul. 30, 7:30pm
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Straight No Chaser and Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox
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The real hero we need is one that will save music from the sort of
industry that gives talentless, insipid mama's boys like Iglesias
access to the airwaves. Four-to-the-floor beat or not, this was one of
the most barf-inducing releases of the last decade.
4. Bryan Adams's "Heaven"
Although the original is probably the best jam to karaoke-sing in the middle of an alcoholic blackout, this remake is an epic 130-BPM pukefest of brash syrupy synth riffs and awful trance buildups.
3. Alphaville's "Forever Young"
OK, sue us. We actually kind of like this one. Guilty pleasure?
2. Bon Jovi's "Living On A Prayer"
Holy shit, no comment. There are no drugs in the world that could make us get down to this happy hardcore horrorshow.
1. Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"
As if the original wasn't nauseating enough, here we have an anthemic trance rendition that conjures nightmare visions of a thousand sweaty, blown-out guidos fist-pumping the night away.
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