Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and Eight Other Undercover Alien Pop Stars
If there's anything we've learned from the Men in Black movies, it's that aliens are everywhere. They could be on the bus, in the break room, or even singing to us on MTV.
Those movies always include fun little pop culture cameos and MIB III director Barry Sonnenfeld recently announced the upcoming film will blow the lid on undercover extraterrestrials Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.
Let's take a closer look at the alien lives of the Biebz and Gaga, as well as eight other musicians who we suspect are really from another planet.
He made some YouTube videos. And because he was a cutie pie, he got a lot of views. He was given a record deal, suddenly becoming Planet Earth's top teen heartthrob. At first glance, it was a nice, innocent story. But isn't appealing to the technologically obsessed hearts and minds of gooey preteen girls, like, the perfect plan for an alien invader hell-bent on world domination? Those gooey girls grow up, then they become sex slaves, then they kill world leaders for their Biebster. And no one will ever see it coming.
Here's another celebrity with legions of crazed fans willing to do anything she says. It starts with SoundScans and ends with the New World Order, fronted by a maniacal singing temptress wearing a load of meat on her head. These millions of little monsters know not what they do. But even if they did, something tells us they really wouldn't care.
This Southern rapper comes off as entertainingly eccentric. But his Georgia roots are actually a cover story for his ATLien origins. He doesn't want you to know what in the world he's got in that bag because it's full of alien production equipment and documents explaining how the Egyptians built the pyramids. Plus, the Bieber connection! But we believe he comes in peace. Unless, of course, you're driving the speed limit on the highway. After you've traveled at light speed, 75 just doesn't feel right.
The Jane's Addiction frontman and Lollapalooza founder has always been a little strange. And we know why: There's no way this guy is an earthling. He's too energetic for a 53 year old. And remember that Porno for Pyros song, "We'll Make Great Pets"? Listen up, people, he's trying to tell us something.
This one is fairly obvious. He makes space music on a computer, and he just plain looks like he's not from around here. Plus, our inside sources tell us he was born on a dark planet in a neighboring galaxy, where inhabitants believe the gods live underground. This explains why Mr. Moore is always looking down and mumbling.
Of all the OFWGKTA members, you might choose Tyler as the obvious extraterrestrial. But that's exactly why he's not our guy. When looking for aliens, you mustn't believe the obvious decoys. Instead, pay close attention to the behind-the-scene's characters, especially when they have strange faces. This guy's stellar beats are the key to unlocking his dark secret. And think about it ... Lil Wayne starts fucking with OF. And suddenly, he's all "I'm Not a Human Being." Watch out, fellow humans, Left Brain is producing beats to make you dancing, docile drones. And in the end, he and his cronies will kill every last one of us.
There is just too much freaky awesomeness in this one swaggy woman. Conclusion: Missy ain't human. And that explains why she and Luda work so well together. She's so supa-dupa fly, she's got a rocket ship in her backyard. Please, Missy, come back to radio and abduct our asses.
Usually people say, "He's got a strange face 'cause he's English." But we know it's because he's got his mask on all funny. That next-level musical genius, those unearthly dance moves, the obsession with robots, Pyramid Song! These are all clues. He's just a weird fish under all that people skin. And one day, he'll sail us to the moon.
This guy has E.T. written all over him. We think he came here for a visit, only to get stranded when his spaceship crash-landed in the Hollywood Hills. Of course, once you spend some time in California, you can't ever leave. So he started producing massive bleep-bloop beats and said, "Screw it, let's turn this weekend in America into a never-ending alien party."
OK, this explains a lot. Why do you think he recorded "I Believe I Can Fly" for the Space Jam soundtrack? Because he loves Looney Tunes? No. Again, you've got to learn to look at the alien clues. He's found a lot of success while living among humans. It's just too bad the Earth Welcoming Committee forgot to tell him that, on this planet, it's not culturally palatable to pee on little girls. Oopsies.
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