If you're a bloated, bender-prone slob (like, um, Crossfade) who spends almost every waking hour swilling booze and stinking it up in the dive-iest of dive bars, maybe it's time for a rejuvenating yoga- and music-filled weekend detox with the Wanderlust Festival.
Don't worry, though ... It's not like you're being asked to abandon the brew entirely. "We kind of consider ourselves the beer drinking yogis of the world," laughs Wanderlust co-founder Jeff Krasno. "People think of yogis as hippies wearing crystals. Our vision of the yoga practitioner is a very modern person who likes to have a couple of beers or a glass of wine. It's just generally consumed in moderation."
"There's this one kind of music that's central to yoga, a calm response form called Kirtan," Krasno continues. "And we joke in the office that we'd like to have a beer-tan instead, which is sort of a calm response music set to a nice cold beer."
In other words, the Wanderlust crew encourages a good time, just not your usual falling-down-drunk-puking-in-your-hat routine. So take it easy, slobs -- this is a yoga retreat.
But ... What exactly goes down at a so-called yoga retreat? "There are plenty of things that I won't mention," Krasno jokes, implying the kind of sexual acrobatics that can only be performed by unnaturally flexible power vinyasa experts. "But you wake up bright and early in the morning. And it's basically a lot of yoga and a lot of really good food combined with a beautiful place. And what we did was infuse a music element and ratchet up the number of people."
So go stretch your atrophied ass a little bit. Schedule a sweat session in the Standard's sauna. And sign up for one of Wanderlust's 56 intensive classes with yoga masters like DVD guru Cameron Shayne, Elena Brower of Vira Yoga, and Miami's own Terri Cooper -- not to mention Krasno's wife and festival co-creator Schuyler Grant. You'll feel totally freaking detoxified.
If, however, moderate boozing and improved physical/mental/spiritual wellness isn't motivation enough to attend Wanderlust, there'll also be therapeutic tuneage from chilled-out acts like downtempo Ninja Tune dude Bonobo and Shaman's Dream, which Krasno describes as "a DJ-meets-live-drumming group [that's] actually done the music soundtrack for virtually every yoga DVD you can buy."
"We're creating this environment in the Ledo Lounge area of the Standard where we're bringing in lights and projections, just to make that vibe really go off," Krasno explains, geeking out a bit. "We're also doing this music-yoga fusion called Yoga Side of the Moon, which is a nighttime yoga class with lasers and hazers set to the music of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon."
Then obviously, there's always the tantalizing possibility of hooking up with a hot yogi while Floyd's "Breathe" echoes in the background. And as proof, Krasno relates a true tale of Wanderlust-related romantic success: "There's a dude, this really neat, eclectic upright bass player named Garth Stevenson, who's from New York. He just happened to find the yoga world through Wanderlust. And now he makes his living in New York by playing music during yoga classes. And I asked him one day, 'Garth, it's so weird that this is what you're doing now.' But he was like, 'Where else can a solo bassist play for 80 attractive women at a time? This is like heaven for me.'"
A slob can dream, right?
Wanderlust Festival at the Standard Hotel Music Lineup
Thursday, March 17
4 p.m. Elena & Garth (Poolside)
6:30 p.m. Donell Wicklund with Garth Stevenson (Poolside)
8:30 p.m. Yoga Side of the Moon (Lido Lounge)
10 p.m. Shaman's Dream (Lido Lounge)
Friday, March 18
6 p.m. Shaman's Dream (Poolside)
8 p.m. Yoga Side of the Moon (Lido Lounge)
9:30 p.m. Shaman's Dream (Lido Lounge)
10:30 p.m. Bonobo (Lido Lounge)
Saturday, March 19
6 p.m. Prasanna (Poolside)
7 p.m. The Mayapuris (Poolside)
8 p.m. Yoga Side of the Moon (Lido Lounge)
9:30 p.m. Shaman's Dream and the Mayapuris (Lido Lounge)
10:30 p.m. Bonobo (Lido Lounge)
Sunday, March 20
10 p.m. 108 Spring Equinox Goodbye Kiss (Poolside)
Wanderlust Festival. Thursday, March 17, to Sunday, March 20. The Standard Hotel, 40 Island Ave., Miami Beach. One-day yoga and music passes cost $145 via standard.wanderlustfestival.com. Call 305-673-1717 or visit standardhotels.com.
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